11 Months Down, 13 To GO!

The eleventh month! WOW all I can say is WOW! :D I can't even believe it. Only one more until the year and then it's all downhill from there baby! :)

First semester of college is done! Yayyyyyyyy! This semester was just hard. It was really tough to get through. So many changes, which made it difficult to get through but yes! I can finally say I have completed it! :) Oh what a good feeling that is.

I have learned so much! I can't even express how much I have learned since Mark has been away.

My roommates have gone for the holidays back home so I had to go to church alone today. It was kind of weird sitting there by myself just listening to everything. It made me realize how difficult it would be to sit there alone EVERY week and how much I never want anyone to have to do that. I really didn't want to stay for Relief Society, considering I was there all alone and I could really use a nap, but I decided that wasn't a good enough excuse to leave church so I stuck through it. The lesson was on the plan of salvation and how it helps us in our life. I have had this renewed testimony of this since the passing of my dad. At the end the teacher gave us time to bare our testimonies. I got this strong urge to bare mine and finally shared (with the 10 maybe 15 girls in Relief Society) my experiences this semester with my dad passing and how much easier life is with the knowledge I will see him again. I am so proud of Mark for being out on his mission and teaching those who don't currently know about this beautiful plan. With it I have the peace and assurance that because I am sealed to my dad, I will see him again and that this separation is only for the time being. That the sad feelings I have are just because I miss him in my Earthly existence, but I know I have him forever when I am in heaven.

I know this to be true. I have a testimony of this. Today at church helped me tie in to how grateful I am for the gospel and missionary work. That Mark isn't only a blessing in my life, but will always and forever be a blessing into someone else's life also. I am glad that I wasn't selfish to keep him here with me. I am glad that I am supporting his mission and him on his mission. I wouldn't have this life any other way! :)

Here's to the next 13 months! :D

10 Months AND 2 Year 4 Month Anniversary! BEST EVER!

WOW! Today calls for a big post!

First of all on the 11th we hit 10 months! :) And today, the 14th it is our 2 year and 4 month anniversary! :) I can't even believe it haha.

One of the pictures she added. He's learning how to cook! :D
Can anyone say cooking me breakfast when he's home?! ;)

Today definitely was one of the BEST days I've had in a long long LONG time! I was sitting in Calculus class and I looked at my phone (FINALLY-- I hadn't looked at it for a while because nobody texts me haha) and I had a voice mail from an unknown 706 number. I didn't know where it was from but the message was a good 46 seconds so someone didn't just call me for no reason. I got BIG butterflies. I run out of class and listen to the message and it's pretty much almost exactly what I thought it was-- a lady in Mark's area. :) The voice mail was all fuzzy so I just heard a little bit about this was Sister so and so and then Elder Gardner, so as any normal girlfriend would I FREAKED out! I hurried and called the number back a couple times and the second time someone answered and handed the phone to her. She was so nice! (She thought I was someone calling about girls camp haha) but after she knew who I was she was really really nice still! :) She talked to me and told me that Mark spends a lot of time at her house because they are teaching her husband's niece and that she's the one posting pictures of Mark on Facebook. She told me some funny things he had said about those pictures and it just made me laugh so hard! My roommate came into the room and saw me laughing really hard and tearing up at the entire conversation and she was all "It was so cute!" But I just wasn't expecting it! We talked for a good little while, I don't know maybe 15 minutes and she asked if she could tell him anything for me. Of course I just told her to tell him I love him. :) But it just made my day! She called me to just tell me he is getting transferred so I shouldn't send any packages to him for a while until he does get transferred, but I am just so glad I got to talk to her. :) The things she told me that Mark says just made me so happy! I think I just thought I wasn't that big of a part in his life anymore like I was, like I was just in the background and I didn't matter, you know being his support with all his focus on his mission (like it should be, don't get me wrong), but geez it was nice to hear that he talks about me or says funny comments about me still. :) That just made my entire day. :)

Getting Cupcakes-- 25th and Main Yummy!

I think that phone call, even though it wasn't meant to be one, was the best anniversary gift I have gotten since he's been gone. :) I loved it!

Surprise visit home! :)

So ten months aye? I seriously don't even remember what all has gone on. I swore to myself that I'd write it all down, but hey ya get busy ya know?! :)

School has gotten so crazy! I can't believe the first semester is almost over! I know the holidays are going to be hard, I am still adjusting to not having my dad around anymore, but I am still excited for them. :) After the holidays it is Mark's one year! :D That's the light at the end of the tunnel! :D

It has been hard. Holy moly it has been hard. You have to be able to keep the security in your relationship while still knowing you're in love with the person even though they aren't around, which is hard! Especially because you're not around each other at all anymore. It's a lot of work and is not easy by any means but I just know that it will be worth it. :)

Late night at the spinny park. :) 

I look at pictures of him now and just feel like I don't really know him as well. I KNOW him, but I can tell he is changing on the inside. :) His physical appearance is still as ATTRACTIVE as ever ;) But he has a different glow about him, a different presence about him -- kind of intimidating not going to lie-- but definitely a wonderful thing. :) It keeps making me want to be better, so how could it NOT be a good thing?

I think my words of advice this month is even when adversity strikes keep on sticking it out. It would be SO easy to quit, to stop waiting and date someone else, to just end everything and find someone else, but I know I'd be wondering what if. I don't want to do that to myself! In the beginning I don't think we can truly prepare ourselves for the hardships, the worry, the wondering, the hoping, but if you can get passed it all and really stick it out then I know we can make it through the two years and on to an eternal marriage. :)

Slumber party!

Today definitely confirmed to me that I still love Mark even though he isn't here anymore. When I think about seeing him or hearing from him I still get excited, I still cry or just get all butterfliey... haha new word? That definitely is a wonderful reminder that I still care for him immensely and want to keep on waiting for the next 14 months! :)

Woot woot! Here we go!!!!!!! :D

Time Flies When You're Having Fun!

OH MY GOSH!! I never thought a day like this would come, but baby it's here and OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!

Okay okay so it's not that big of a deal, but while making my usually rounds on the Facebook pages, I was reading posts about girls having their boys out for 7 months, 8 months, etc and I remember the days I would look at those and be like, "Holy cow I wish III was at 7 months!" Now I read them and I'm like, "Oh I remember those days." Haha.. It's so weird! Don't get me wrong 7, 8 or even 2 months is really good progress! :) Keep on going!

Thinking about time, when I first started getting mentally ready for Mark to leave I was like "2 years will be easy, one year then the other then SHABAM he's home! :)" Haha but now I'm like, "I'm almost at 10 months... two months, then a year and SHABAM! He's home!" WHAT?!!!!!! That's honestly not that long! This school semester is wrapping up! CHRISTMAS... yes ladies... CHRISTMAS is almost here! GAH I think my heart just skipped a beat haha. :)

To whomever may be reading this, time goes fast or slow, it goes however fast you want it to. My advice at this point is to make sure you're doing activities that keep you occupied. Get a job and work a lot, go to school, just keep yourself busy! Remember that your boy, when he comes home, will be used to getting up early and staying busy all day. It makes their days go by fast and it will do the same for you. :)

Sheewwwt! Another 3 days and I am at 10 months! Excited to update all of you on what has been going on! :) Until then, keep yourself busy and get sleep! :) Remember: Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man (woman) healthy, wealthy and wise.

Don't worry, I'm still working on it too. :) ;)

9 Months

Wow! It's been OVER 9 months now! Almost 10 and I still haven't written! :)

This last month, I'm not going to lie, has pretty much been one of the hardest we have gone through-- and I say we because it was particularly trying for Mark and I.

His mission has been hard, like every mission gets I know. He is learning so much and growing and still changing into a better man. :)

For anyone out there reading this wondering about the whole "waiting for a missionary" experience, I am going to tell you right now it's not all rainbows and butterflies after the first 6 months. It gets tough. You know how you are excited to turn 16 to get your license and 17 is like a "filler" year for the year before 18. Well that's how I feel with these in between 6 months to 12 month marks. It's been so aggravating! Haha but time is going by pretty fast. :)

Our mail got really messed up the past few weeks. So I didn't get a letter for two weeks! The letter I had gotten at the beginning of this month wasn't too happy because well he is on his mission and going through a lot of change, it's not easy and I am really glad he told me what was going on in his mission and in his head. (Communication is EVERYTHING while he is gone) So those 2 weeks I was really anxious to hear from him. This is where you learn the talent of keeping yourself distracted really well while you know he isn't doing too awesome... It sucks not being able to really do anything about it either. I just wanted to call him on the phone and make him smile like I used to be able to. It was so hard knowing that I couldn't do that, under any circumstances -- there was literally nothing I could do about it.

I finally received one of my letters, where he explained himself with the Me Going on a Mission thing and I was really glad to hear his explanation. I think that's the number one thing that was straining so much this month. It shouldn't be but it's stressful knowing how everything you thought would happen would be held off for 6 months to maybe a year.

I think what is most important though is that he and I are good now. :) I got his letter and I think he will be receiving mine soon, I hope so! It's nice knowing that we got through a hard month. It was one of the most straining and I feel accomplished getting through it because I didn't give up because everything wasn't dandelions and rainbows. We stuck through it all and now we are fine. :)

I still love him more than anything and can't imagine being with anyone else in my life. I am excited that time is still going by so swiftly! As of today only 81 more days until he has been gone a year! :D Ahhhh! Well here is to the next 15 months! :)

Mission?

As many people know General Conference this year was particularly interesting and life changing. Not only were inspirational words about this wonderful gospel were said, but the age of female missionaries allowed to serve a full time mission is now 19.

Ever since this announcement my head has been spinning! I have ALWAYS wanted to serve a mission. Ever since I was young! I didn't think I would get to though because before I turned 21 I was going to be married to Mark, so I never really worried about it. But now I could go before he comes back. Granted we are a few months past the 6 month point, meaning I wouldn't be here for his homecoming (like I've been dreaming of since almost 9 months ago). I have no idea what I am going to do.

I have prayed about it, but feel like it is solely my decision. I am worthy, have the money and means to go, but I just don't know what to do. It's scary- actually thinking about filling out the paperwork and getting endowments done to teach the gospel, but it's exciting all the same! I want to help in spreading the gospel more then I have. I want to get out of where I am comfortable in Utah and Arizona and have a real big change. I just don't know what to do.

I think it makes it a bit harder, because the prophet still doesn't say that all worthy and able females should go on their mission like they do with males. It's like "It's not a bad thing at all, it's a really good thing, but it's your decision." I don't feel obligated to go or not go. I don't feel like I should or shouldn't. I just am right in the middle where I think it'd be a fun experience, but scary at the same time.

I want to be able to know first hand what Mark went through. I want to have some of the same experiences. Of course our experiences would be totally different in ways, but similar in the fact that we'd be teaching the gospel and learning how to better serve our fellow men. He would have to wait a minimum of 6 months to a max of a year for me to get home. He'd be able to see first hand at what life is like in the "real world" if you will, waiting for someone. Then he might be able to better understand my feelings and emotions during this time I've been waiting for him so faithfully.

I don't want to do this to be away from him any longer then I have to be. I don't want to extend this period of time that I can't see him from the already long 2 years to maybe 2 and a half or 3, but I feel like I have such an opportunity and I want to be able to take it. I feel like I might be ungrateful for this wonderful revelation in our times not taking advantage of it while I can. I don't want to stay in Utah/ Arizona and not go around and see some of the world. I feel like I would be missing out on so many chances to get out and learn and see more about life-- maybe I'd appreciate mine more.

I want to get that deep connection with my Heavenly Father, more then I already have. Christ is my brother and best friend. I want to serve others the way He has served me.

I emailed Mark about it today and the response wasn't excited or sad. I think it's hard for him to digest. He's been used to the thought of me being home when he is home and I think the thought of me not being here when he's home isn't something he likes all that much. He said he'd support me and that he'd wait for me. Now I guess I feel like how he felt-- wondering if the other would wait. It's scary. Thinking that I've waited for so long on him to come home (almost a year now) and if he came home and for some reason didn't wait that 6-12 months for me to get there. What would I do? I know a lot of mission presidents make it a point to push the missionary to get married quickly after he gets home, so that thought kind of scares me. My mom says that if Mark is the one for me that he'd wait for me to come home. I believe that. It really does take character and discipline to wait so faithfully for someone. I don't know if many of the other girls who send out missionaries think this, but I know when Mark left and even still currently today I think, "Would he wait for me like I've waited for him?" I had asked him this before he left and he said he would and I trust that he would.

It's so crazy having the roles reversed. I wish he and I could really talk about it. I think that would be great, but you can't always have what you want right? I'm going to go talk to my bishop about it really soon so he can give me guidance and I can pray more about what I should do and when I should do it.

Who knows! Maybe this time next year I'll be almost done with my mission. :)

8 Month Vlog

My update of how everything is going through the 7th month of Mark being gone. Now... well 2 weeks ago, I was at 8 months! :D Here's a bunch of pictures from college and everything! :) Enjoy. :)

8 Months! :)

I know my eight month mark was almost a month ago, but I just wanted to share some thoughts I had on it.

The eighth month came faster then the others, but because I was so preoccupied. I moved to college right after the 7 months and so this has been my first full month out of my parent's house and in my own apartment. :) The third week of me being gone my step dad passed away, as many of you can see, and that has been one of the hardest trials I have had to overcome. In the beginning it was really hard for me to accept that he was gone and not coming back. But after you get over that it's easier because we know what lies ahead of them. We know that there is more to this life then just the earth life. I KNOW I am sealed to him and that if I keep my covenants here on Earth I will be with him and the rest of my family forever. :)

It's these simple truths we learn in primary that carry us through our life. Those simple principles that there is a Heavenly Father that loves us and He knows the best for us, there is more to life then the Earth life and ideas of that nature that helped me overcome this loss in my Earth life. These ideas and a lot of prayer have helped me see that there is a bigger picture for all of us. That He is in control of our lives and whatever goes on happens for a reason. He doesn't want us to hate life or be in a terrible pit for eternity, or let us die and nothing come from life and the trials we overcome or face here. There is a reason for everything and though we don't understand it now, we will be able to more fully understand as we grow and mature physically and spiritually.

All of this happening has helped me see that I am a strong person. I can overcome these trials with a lot of prayer and my family and friends. It has given me a sense of more independence then I have ever had. Yes it would have been nice to have someone behind me every step of the way holding me and helping me, but when I needed it most those who really truly cared came to help me and be with me. It has helped show me who really cares for me and my welfare. It has also helped me gain that stronger relationship with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I know that He was there holding me through this entire time-- when I cried He was there. He comforted me through the toughest parts of grieving and he still comforts me every day as He always has.

It has given me a new respect for missionary work. My step dad got taught the gospel from a couple missionaries who had stayed in contact with him his entire life. They were there at his funeral-- one flew all the way from Canada to be there for our family. There is a love and connection that missionaries grow with the people they serve and those friendships can and will last for eternity. I love that Mark is serving the people of Georgia and I see how he is growing to love the people he is serving, which is one of the greatest gifts of missionary work-- service to our fellow men.

I love this gospel and I am proud of Mark and every other missionary for teaching it to those who haven't heard this precious word. I have a testimony of it. This gospel is the one true gospel on the Earth today, I am lucky to have it in my life. :)

Here is to the next 16 months! :)

Give It All You've Got, Then Give It Some More

This month was definitely THE hardest most trial provoking month ever. Honestly...

As you know I moved to college and I got so lucky by getting some really awesome and amazing roommates, money was working out, I got a job automatically, I was safe and everything was going pretty much perfectly. The second week of being gone, my step dad passed away and I was so distracted and I wasn't able to focus in classes. That week was all my test days. I didn't pass one of them with a good grade... we won't go in to details haha. But I am just trying to keep it together!

I went to meet with my bishop tonight (he called me in to give me a calling) so now I have a calling and got a blessing from him. He finally knows what all has gone on and I am glad for that. I haven't been too vocal about it with people around me because I don't want them treating me differently then they should. My roommates all know, but they needed to know and are close to me. But other then them and just Mark's family up here not too many people know.

I have learned a lot though.. I have learned that the people who genuinely care for you will make an effort to talk to you when something terribly wrong goes on in your life. They will show you that they care. I have learned all about life. It is short and we need to make the time here count. When I see my step dad's funeral paper with his birth date and his passing date it makes me sick... I think that when he was born and passed are not important-- it is what is in the middle that matters the most. Nobody will really remember your first day or passing, they will mostly remember those good memories you made together, the times you enjoyed each other or just being with the other. I just remember all the times he and I shared a laugh and agreed on something. I love him and will miss him.

This month went fast! That's for sure! I feel like I just got done writing about last month and it has been another month passed! Crazy right?! But in the end, life is good. I know that Satan is always there trying to bog me down and I am not going to let him do that to me. I think that I just really want to tell anyone, if anyone is reading this, that there are times when you feel like you can't keep going on. Like there is nothing else in you to give. But get up and keep going! You can find the strength in you to keep on going, I found it. It is mind over matter. Your mind and the world might be telling you you can't but you have to show them that you are more then that. You are made up of something great and brilliant and that nothing anyone can do or say is going to stop you from being something wonderful and achieving something genius! You just have to get up and do it.

Here's to the next 16 months! :D

My Dad

I know that this post is really similar to the last post about my dad, but I read that post during the services and I just wanted to post what I actually read and said-- with all the little stories in it and everything. :) I love you dad! Until we meet again!

"My dad, well what can I say more? He was my dad. My mom and he got married a little over 10 years ago. My parents were divorced when I was 4 so Bob was the only dad I knew, he was the one who was actually a dad to me.

When they first got married I remember living in a house with him and in the mornings we would climb into my parent's bed and he'd tickle us and we'd play around all morning. I remember that when my mom came to us and said, “Girls Bob and I want to get married what do you think?” and when I answered my number one reason to saying yes was, “Yeah! He’ll tickle us all the time and it will be so much fun!” It was so much fun to have him around. He was laughing a lot. Just all the time and he'd make us laugh too.
He taught me discipline. There were SO many times I disliked him SO much to where I just didn't want to be around him. But that's what good parents do. He helped teach me how to work and be the person I have become today.

He introduced me to hunting and fishing. I loved going quail hunting with him. I remember one time I shot really well and got three or more birds in one shot and he talked about that for a few weeks afterwards. I loved shooting and target practicing. Fishing was so much fun too. I didn't think I'd enjoy it as much as I did because whenever I would see pictures of people fishing you just saw them sitting there, but I loved it. Bob just made it fun. He always had this rule-- you do NOT throw back the first fish you catch of the day or else you won't get any more the rest of the day. I know kind of a funny thing but it always worked! If you kept the first one you always got more.

I remember during the summers I'd go into the garage and he'd be working on his project. A Willys Jeep he was working on scratch. I'd help him with each little part he was working on and I felt like sometimes I really helped a lot even though I just held screwdrivers and stuff. After he finally got it running he'd take us out on it and we'd just go for a Jeep ride. He would take us out on his four wheeler too and I loved those rides. He'd let us drive too, which of course was such a big deal and so cool considering we did not have a permit or license. :) After I got my permit he taught me how to drive stick shift. When we were driving once he had let me know that I needed to turn the wheel back after I turned, but one time I totally forgot and kind of freaked out and we were going straight for a telephone pole. He reached over and pulled the wheel back before we went into the pole, but ever since then he would tease me saying “Oh no Jennica is driving we might run into a telephone pole!”  Before I left to college not too long ago he let me drive the Jeep one last time. It was so much fun.

My dad would get up early and cook breakfast or make awesome dinners. He'd usually make a meat of some sort, fried potatoes and another vegetable. His potatoes were just the best. I remember when I started experimenting with recipes I made a Cajun chicken pasta and he said, "It's good but it's making me sweat like a dog!"

He would plant a garden and get so excited of the fruits and vegetables he'd get off it. He was so good with them too. One time there was a large watermelon and he wanted to check and see if it was ripe yet or not. So he goes out and puts a hole in it and it wasn’t exactly ripe yet so he puts some duct tape on it and leaves it back out on the ground. It was rotten within the week.  He'd roadertill the entire backyard and he used to say that we grew rocks because of the amount of rock he'd take out of the ground, after every time he’d always have a full wheel barrow or more.

He transformed our outdoors. Our front yard went from what looked like a grave of rocks to grass everywhere with rose bushes and a water fountain (which would freeze in the winters and he thought it looked so cool -- it did look really cool and it was even in the paper once). I used to give people directions to my house and say, “My house is the one on the street that looks like there is actually life and people living in it.” He brought life to that house. 

When I first started making trips to Utah or driving he'd say, "Jennica if you ever get into trouble I WILL come and get you. No matter where I am I will get you." He wanted me to stay safe and he said he couldn't bare the thought and wouldn’t forgive himself if something bad happening to me or one of my sisters. 

I have so many memories with him- ten years worth. My last memories of him was him coming with my family to drop me off at college. He gave me my school blessing and when I went to leave he gave me the biggest hug and started just crying so hard. He was so sad I was leaving and said “I just feel like everyone is leaving.” I just promised that I'd visit often. When I found out I had a job on my way up there I called him to let him know- I didn't want him hearing from anyone else! :) He called me so many times that day probably 13 times and I am so glad that he did. :) He came with my family to see everything and drop more stuff off. I just can't believe that was the last time I'd ever see him... 

He should have had such a longer life ahead of him. I wanted him to see me graduate college and become successful. I really wanted him there at my wedding and I mostly wanted him to be my kids' grandpa. He was a really good grandpa to his grandkids who are alive now. But I know that this was his time to go. I don't understand it fully now but I know I will understand maybe a few years from now.

Dad- I love you so much. You always did so much to keep us safe and smiling. I know things got tough there for a while but we always pulled through it somehow. Thank you for all the work you did for us. You were one heck of a dad. I will always hold a place in my heart for you. I love you. I'll make you proud, I promise. I am so glad that I am sealed to you. You loved my mom so much-- I know you did and always have. Thank you for treating us good and giving us the companionship we really needed at times. Even though your time isn't here anymore I know you passed happy, smiling, and loving all of us.    

I love you. Until I see you again. 
Your daughter,  
Jennica"

Life is So Short

I felt like this blog post was and is necessary- I really just want to write about my Dad.

As some of you know, my Dad passed away on Saturday night or Sunday morning.

What happened: My family and I went to Provo (I moved out so I hadn't been home for at least 2 weeks). He didn't want to come to the wedding we were attending so he stayed home with his friend who would check on him and make sure he got his medicine for night time and everything. On Sunday his friend went to check in on him and couldn't get him to answer the phone or door, the doors were locked so he called my mom and asked for a way to get into the house. She gave him the passcode to the garage and when he called back he let her know that my step dad was sitting in his recliner- cold and not responding. She told him to call the paramedics, who later confirmed him gone and removed his body. We were all in Provo while this was happening and couldn't really do anything, even if we were in the same town.

My dad, well what can I say more. He was my dad. My mom and he got married a little over 10 years ago. My parents were divorced when I was 4 so Bob was the only dad I knew, he was the one who was actually a dad to me.

When they first got married I remember living in a house with him and in the mornings we would climb into my parent's bed and he'd tickle us and we'd play around in the morning. It was so much fun to have him around. He was laughing a lot. Just all the time and he'd make us laugh too.

He taught me discipline. There were SO many times I disliked him SO much to where I just didn't want to be around him. But that's what good parents do right? He helped teach me how to work and be the person I was.

He introduced me to hunting and fishing. I loved going quail hunting with him. I remember one time I shot really well and got three or more birds in one shot. I loved shooting and target practicing. Fishing was so much fun too. I didn't think I'd enjoy it as much as I did, but I loved it. He always had this rule-- you do NOT throw back the first fish you catch of the day or else you won't get any more the rest of the day. I know kind of a taboo silly thing. :)

I remember during the summers I'd go into the garage and he'd be working on his project. A Willys Jeep he was working on scratch. I'd help him with each little parts he was working on and I felt like sometimes I really helped a lot. :) After he finally got it running he'd take us out on it and we'd just go for a Jeep ride. He would take us out on his four wheeler too and I loved those rides. He'd let us drive too, which of course was such a big deal and so cool. :) After I got my permit he taught me how to drive stick shift. Before I left to college not too long ago he let me drive the Jeep and I'd say I was pretty dang good at it.

My dad would get up early and cook breakfast or make awesome dinners. He'd usually make a meat of some sort, fried potatoes and another vegetable. His potatoes were just the best. I remember when I started experimenting with recipes I made a Cajun chicken pasta and I had put red pepper in it and he said, "It's good but it's making me sweat like a dog!"

He would plant a garden and get so excited of the fruits and vegetables he'd get off it. He was so good with them too. He'd roadertill the entire backyard and he used to say that we grew rocks because of the amount of rock he'd take out of the ground.

He transformed our outdoors. Our front yard went from what looked like a grave of rocks to grass everywhere with rose bushes and a water fountain (which would freeze in the winters and he thought it looked so cool -- it did look really cool and it was even in the paper once).

When I first started making trips to Utah or driving he'd say, "Jennica if you ever get into trouble I WILL come and get you. No matter where I am I will get you." He wanted me to stay safe and he said he couldn't bare the thought of something bad happening to me or one of my sisters.

I have so many memories with him- ten years worth. My last memories of him was him coming with my family to drop me off at college. He gave me my school blessing and when I went to leave he gave me the biggest hug and started just crying so hard. He was so sad I was leaving and I just promised that I'd visit often. When I found out I had a job on my way up there I called him to let him know- I didn't want him hearing from anyone else! :) He called me so many times that day and I am so glad that he did. :) He came with my family to see everything and drop more stuff off. I just can't believe that was the last time I'd ever see him...

He should have had such a longer life ahead of him, I don't know why Heavenly Father decided now to take him from this Earth. I can't believe that everything he had to do was gone because I had so many plans for him! Hah that sounds selfish, but I wanted him to see me graduate college and become successful. I really wanted him there at my wedding and I mostly wanted him to be my kids grandpa. He was a really good grandpa to his grandkids who are alive now. Gosh what I would do for one last hug. But I know that this was his time to go. I don't understand it fully now but I know I will understand maybe a few years from now.

Dad- I love you so much. You always did so much to keep us safe and smiling. I know things got tough there for a while but we always pulled through it somehow. Thank you for all the work you did for us. You were one heck of a dad. I will always hold a place in my heart for you. I love you. I'll make you proud, I promise. I am so glad that I am sealed to you. You loved my mom so much-- I know you did and always have. Thank you for treating her good and giving her the companionship she really needed at that time. Even though your time isn't here anymore I know you passed happy, smiling, and loving all of us.   

I love you. Until I see you again.
Your daughter, 
Jennica

7 Month Vlog!

I am SOOO sorry this took so long buuuut here is my 7 month vlog finally! :D

All Moved Out

Tonight's the first night in my apartment. There is only one girl here so far and she had all her family here helping her move everything in. I don't know if her mom even likes me, her dad talked to me and she and I haven't really talked haha. It's kinda weird living with a girl I don't know-- and two more will be coming tomorrow! I don't know whether to feel happy or scared. I've already found myself tip toeing around the entire apartment while I don't know if she's even here! Haha. Gosh I just can't wait to finally be comfortable here.

My thoughts in a new place:
1-Was that a cockroach?! HOLY COW!!!!... What do I do now?
2- Unpack this, oh wait groceries, oh wait here, nope here. GAH I AM GOING CRAZY!!!!!!
3- $102 on GROCERIES and other items?! I have NEVER spent that much at WalMart EVER!
4- The freaking washer sounds like an airplane.. Take off birdy! FLY!
5- I'm gonna take a showerrr I'm gonna take a showeerr... Oh my gosh.. I don't have a shower curtain. DANG IT!
6- I will shove my crap here in this corner and maybe it will magically take up less space in the morning!
7- Wow her toilet paper is like a fluffy cloud! I bought the crappy kind! ha...
8- Does she have any food? Or am I just a fatty with all the food?!
9- Holy cow there is a lot of stuff in this mailbox.. She's not here, not here, not here. YAYYYYY! I GOT A LETTER!! :D Wow what the heck.. Someone needs to change their Geico address..
10- Unpacking freaking wipes you out!
11- I have got to pee! Oh my gosh... No toilet paper...
12- Okay wash towels.. What is this?! Do I just pour the soap in here... Well I hope this works.
13- Well shoot the dryer sounds like a ROCKET SHIP!
14- I'm never having the washer and dryer in my house EVER!

In other words, I was all over the place. I didn't know what to think and hopefully will feel better about all of this in the morning. I am now just wishing Mark was here to talk to me about all of this. Oh well I guess huh. I have to pick up the rest of my stuff in the morning and check on a job. It's crazy not being home but once I get used to it I think I'll like it. :) Good night world! Let's hope I don't get eaten by a cockroach!

25 Months on Eternity

Today is Mark and my 25 months. :) He is now my longest relationship haha. :)

I don't know how to make this a special post about him and I. :) I just really love him. :) REALLY! I DO! :)

I guess some people might ask why I still love him after being away from him so long. It's just something you know. I know I am still in love with him because I think of times I used to be with him and it makes me smile so much. :) I remember waking up to him beside me and I just love him so much. :) I made a "missing him" slideshow last night and I just love this guy. :) SO let's do 25 reasons why I love him. :)

25- He's cute haha. This doesn't make me love him but it definitely is fun for eye candy! :)
24- His family. They are awesome and make me feel like one of the family already. :)
23- His smile. :)
22- Assures me everything will be okay. :) Even though I know that everything USUALLY will be okay, I just really like hearing it.
21- He was always willing to help. :)
20- Could joke around with me and not get mad. :) We had the same sense of humor.
19- When we spent time together we wouldn't have to be doing anything special but spending time with each other. :)
18- He took me on some kind of adventures haha. Like climbing a big building and other things that I'd normally not do on my own.
17- He'd talk about me all the time, even to his family and friends when I wasn't around. :) I've never had anyone make me feel the way he's made me feel. :) Special and important. :)
16- Whenever I was upset he'd comfort me. :) I remember when we were watching The Help and when I got upset he put his arm around me and comforted me. :)
15- How we were so playful together. :) Haha it STILL makes me laugh thinking of what he'd do that would crack me up. :) It sounds terribly disgusting but he'd like pin me down and lick my face. It was totally gross but just made me laugh like none other haha. :)
14- He likes my cooking, even though I'm not the best cook in the world he just ate anything I'd make really. :) That made me feel good. I loved being able to make food for him. :) Made me feel like I was doing something good. :)
13- He doesn't just talk, actions speak louder than words and when he wants something he goes out to get it.
12- His kisses. Who doesn't like to be kissed?! :)
11- His hugs. Oh my gosh I just loved being wrapped in his arms. :)
10- We have the same religious views. :)
9-The way he'd look at me. :) I can't even describe it. He'd look at me straight in the eye and just smile that wonderful smile. :) Gah... I love him. :) Butterflies. :)
8- He makes me feel safe. No matter where I was or what I was doing I felt like he'd be there in seconds to be there for me.
7- He is SO honest with me. Some guys would have NEVER told their girlfriends some of the things he's told me. Some people are like "Well you never know he could be holding things back from you." And I'm just thinking, "If he was holding stuff back he wouldn't have told me what he has already. He is very open with me and I love that. :)
6- He supports me in my hopes and dreams. :) He wants me to do my best in whatever I do. :) So this is another reason why I'm supporting him on his mission so much. It's something he wanted to do and I want to be there for him as support. :)
5- He wants a family SO much. Family to he and I are so important. We love our families and want to make a loving and caring family together. :) He loves kids just as much as I do and I just couldn't imagine not having a baby with him. :) Hah Oh cute moment I remember! I tried to get him to hold this baby I was holding in church one Sunday and he wouldn't do it. I asked him why later and he said, "I don't know why but I just feel like I am going to break them." Gah. :) I thought this was so cute. :)
4- He has the same values I have. These are SO Important to me and it makes me feel good that other people have the same views on relationships, drugs, alcohol and other questionable subjects.
3- We are comfortable around each other. :) I can have regular body functions and be around him without thinking about if I look okay or anything of the sort. :)
2- Tells me I am beautiful. :) Nobody can make this up, it really helps to hear that someone thinks that you are beautiful. :)
1- The number one reason I am in love with him is he loves me for me. :) I had a relationship where sometimes I wasn't sure if I had such a great relationship but I KNOW that Mark loves me for me. :)

He's just awesome. :) Yeah I think that's it. :) Happy 25 months honey bun. :) I love you so much and to this day I am in love with you! :)

Month 7 Update! :D

Welp as of YESTERDAY Mark has been gone for 7 months! :D

I am starting to get used to this whole thing. I love Mark and I definitely am still waiting for him but I am finally getting used to not being able to talk to him all the time. At the beginning of his mission I'd get at least a letter and an email every week, but these past couple weeks I've gotten my emails but not my letters. I don't want to be one to complain, his letters are the one thing I look forward to the most during the week, but I know he is busy. I don't want him to think that just because he can't write me I'm going to stop waiting. That's silly. I love him and I want him to do the BEST he can in these two years and if he can't write me because he is doing what he's supposed to be doing these two years then I am happy and proud of him. :) A lot of girls think it's like the end of the world, but I gave Mark up for two years and if that means I am not going to hear from him every week through a letter then I guess that's what is going to happen. :) My Heavenly Father knows what he is doing and He will do what's best for me in the end. :)

I am about to move off to college! It's actually this week that I leave and I am so nervous and excited and scared. Change is good but scary! :) I've never moved away before but I definitely feel like I am ready for it. :) Getting ready for it all has been so crazy! Buying books (which I have done before and got for super cheap! :) ), utilities, packing, cleaning, shopping. Gah it's been crazy! I think the fact that I am moving so soon has helped the stress with not getting letters from Mark. :) I'm honestly so preoccupied it's ridiculous, but I still am faithfully waiting. :) I don't have my eye on any other guys, I am just happy and content with life; looking forward to what opportunities and experiences I will have in college. :) There isn't too much else I can think of that's different then last month. I am still waiting and I feel like I've finally made a dent in the whole 24 months. :)

I've met some really awesome people, one girl from YouTube who is adorable! Her missionary is ACTUALLY in the same area as Mark, which I thought was totally crazy! But I'd have to say she and I are pretty good friends. :) She's such a sweetheart and I love that I'm meeting so many people that I wouldn't have met without beginning this journey.

All in all this last month has actually gone pretty fast. When I started this journey I was just like "I WISH I could just be six months through already!" And now that I'm six months through I'm like can it be a year now or maybe two. Haha. So I feel accomplished that I've gotten THIS far, but I just see how long this thing really is. It's short in the eternal scheme of things but right now in the current time it seems like it takes longer then just a blink of an eye. :)

Mark has been doing really well on his mission I feel. He has gotten transferred into a different area and I think a definitely more challenging area for him. But nothing too terrible that he's told me of has happened. :) He is still going and learning, which is what makes me proud of him. :) I am just so glad that it seems to be turning out so well for him and I. We are growing together in the gospel, strengthening and growing our testimonies. :) Gosh I love this kid! :)

Here is to the next 17 months! :D

Six Month Vlog! :)

Okay okay! I KNOW I am REALLY late on this, but at least I made it! :D Haha so sorry it took me SOOOOOOO long. :) But here is my vlog for 6 months! :) Enjoy! :)

Mind Over Matter

Today I went to band camp for a little bit (for all of you who don't know I am a super big band nerd. I was in it all high school and was drum major for the last 2 years-- in other words I love it. :) ). Today was the first day where all the new band members, guard members, new marchers, etc. come to learn music, fundamentals and to work out. I got there around the part where they were stretching outside and running. I decided to run with them even though I was in flip flops, just showing them that if they really want to do it they can no matter what condition they are in. If they don't give up they can do it all.

During the warm ups my old director yelled, "It's all mind over matter. If your body is tired tell it it isn't. Tell your body what's up!" I was just thinking how true that is with more than just exercising.

People who exercise a lot or constantly know that when you want something you have to get it. If you want that "perfect body" or quick time you have to achieve it and do what it takes to get it. You have to push your body to it's limit and then some. You run until your tired and then you run some more. This is where the "mind over matter" kicks in.

When I was running one of the girls came up and ran next to me and said, "When does your boyfriend get back?" Me: "A year and a half." She said, "I don't know how you do it."

It's simple-- mind over matter. Sometimes your body tells you you can't do something. Can't quit a habit, can't go without affection, can't go without a boyfriend and you have to tell your body what's up. You have to be able to say I CAN go without this habit, I CAN go without affection, I CAN go without a boyfriend.

A few nights ago I was feeling pretty defeated. "Two years is such a long time" "He is never coming back" "This is going to take forever" quotes that I'm sure if you're waiting for a missionary too have come across your mind a few times. When I feel this way I start to pray and ask for help. I then started thinking "I'm already a quarter done" "I have accomplished a lot, but not enough" "I have more work to be done, I can't mope around and watch everything go by me". During that prayer I realized that I can't sit around and watch these two years go by, if I take every opportunity for growth possible I will grow with him. He isn't sitting down giving up and I won't either. :) I remember that I love him and there are reasons we are going through what we are. He is where he is supposed to be and so am I. :)

I have always heard the quote "If you think you can, you will. If you think you can't, you won't".

This is what I'm using for the next two years. I CAN do this. I CAN get through all these trials I am going through. I WILL get through these two years and I WILL do it with style. ;) It's just all mind over matter. :)

2 Years :)

Today, July 14th, 2012 is Mark and my 2 year anniversary! :D Let's flash back to July 13th, 2010...

My 17th birthday! I'm so excited! I'm talking to a cute boy too, Mark, who said I had a surprise! I wonder what it is. :)

Text: Him- Are you ready for your surprise now?
Me- YES!!!!!

~Phone call from Mark~

OH MY GOSH! He is calling me! I've waited for a whole couple weeks for this! :D AHHHH!!!

Me: Hello? (OH MY GOSH His voice! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!)

*Later that Night*

Him: I have a question for you.
Me: Yeah? :)
Him: Will you be my girlfriend?
Me: Well I want to be really bad, but I want to see how we are in person tomorrow before we decide anything, to make sure that we aren't awkward or anything.
Him: I understand that. :) I am excited for tomorrow!

Sleeping that night was so crazy! I was so excited!

In the morning, my family set off for Utah really early. We planned to meet at the St. George Temple, I couldn't wait. I was so excited! :D When we got to the gorge, my tummy got butterflies. I was so excited and I just wanted to throw up... haha. When we drove up to the temple, oh my gosh. I got out of the car, I felt the warm air and it helped with my butterflies. It was literally so warm there! I lingered around the car for a little bit while Mom asked where he was. I was like "I don't know" so that gave me an excuse to call him and talk to him! :)

Me: Hey where are you?
Him: I just pulled in, I am walking over to the sidewalk.
Me: I think I see you. See you in a minute!

I started walking down the side walk, OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I saw him behind the truck, hmm.. Oh man there he is.
My thoughts exactly: Dang he is pretty cute. :) Not as tall as I expected but really cute. :) Aww...

Me: *awkward smile and a wave* Hey.
Him: *Awkward smile* Hi.
*Awkward hug*

Then the conversations started. :) Not much really, just how are you's and stuff of that sort. He walked with my family over to the St. George temple to take a picture for us and then we went to lunch at Jack in the Box. We got some Jack in the Box tacos. I remember thinking, Crap this is the last time I'm going to be around him and I haven't even held his hand or anything. So I grabbed his knee a little. :) He didn't respond so I felt really silly. Haha. My mom made plans for us to visit our friends and I got really excited because she said Mark could come with us. He asked if I could ride in his truck with him. GAH! She said yes, YES!!!!!! :D

Our first picture together at Jack-in-the-Box :)

The picture he took for us. :)

I don't remember exactly what was said in his truck but I remember seeing he had put his hand awkwardly by his side and I finally got the courage to grab it and hold it. :) SO glad I did. Haha one of us was nervous or something because our hands got really sweaty really quick. He asked me, "Dang is that your hand or mine?" Me: "I don't really know, it might be both." I stuck my hands in front of the cooler, "Do you not want me to hold your hand anymore?:) " Him: No you can. :)

So we finally got to our friends home and we walked inside and sat next to each other, we held hands covered by a pillow haha. :) We didn't think my mom would notice, well at least I didn't but she had lol. :) After our visit with family friends we had to say bye and I walked him to his truck and we stood out by it looking at each other. He said "So you haven't answered my question yet." Me: "What question was that?" Him: "Will you be my girlfriend?" Me: "Yeah. :)" We hugged again and I got in my car with my family and he drove away in his truck. I remember looking back and just like in awe. "Oh my gosh there he is. He is so cute. :) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" The rest of that trip was amazing even though I didn't get to see him again I was like walking on cloud nine. I was so excited and just in a daze. :)

Waiting these two years for him kind of kills me yes, but this was the first and only time I got to see him for the next 5 months of our relationship. If I can make it 5 months with just talking to him and only seeing him once, I can make it 2 years off of the time I have had with him. We had gone through so much off of that one instance of seeing each other. We didn't kiss, make out, or anything. Just held hands for the time we could and hugged twice and that was enough physical contact to get me through the next 5 months. I can't even believe how he and I started our relationship. Just thinking about the small amount of time we got to know each other and then start dating was unreal. :)

Thinking about this day still makes me smile. I can still feel those butterflies in my stomach. I still feel the anticipation to see him while driving through the gorge. I can feel that smile on my face when I finally saw him in person. Remembering the first day I ever had with him just reminds me why I fell in love with him. That I don't have to have him here. I loved him then and I love him more now. :) It sounds crazy but I know he was sent to me and supposed to be in my life. He has been such a blessing these past two years and I couldn't of asked for a better companion for the rest of eternity. :)

I love you Mark and we are going to grow old together. :) No matter what I always want to be with you. The long time we have spent apart in just our dating life will allow us many years to be next to each other in our married life. I will be there holding your hand through the good times and the bad. :) I want to be there a part of your life for the rest of eternity. :) I love you. :) Thank you for all the times we have had together, good and bad. We have grown and learned together. Grown up and learned to love, what love really is and what it feels like to really be in love. I know that I love you. :) And I thank Heavenly Father everyday for blessing me with you. :) Make the next year and 6 months wonderful! I'm faithfully waiting for you! :) I love you! :)

6 Months-- What I Have Learned :)

Haha here I am writing about 6 months a day late. :) But YESTERDAY WAS SIX MONTHS HE'S BEEN GONE! :D

I originally wasn't very excited about it. It was like "Cool... 6 months.... woooooopdeedoo... Another grueling 18 to go..." but when it was ACTUALLY the day I wanted to jump up and scream! :D (I have video footage which I will be putting together with an update. :) Late like usual. ;) ) I feel like A LOT of girls are just waiting for the first 6 months. Then they're like "Oh yeah I can do this." :)

I can't even BELIEVE it's been 6 months first off! It's like "Just yesterday he was still in Utah getting ready to get set apart." Everything has happened so quickly. I feel like I have accomplished So much and I love it! :)

In the first six months I have:

~Finished a semester of college.
~Saved enough money to pay for my first semester at Junior college.
~Worked two jobs.
~Made many friends, some of which I have a feeling I will talk to the rest of my life! :)
~Started packing to move out of my house for the first time.
~Gotten close to Mark's family.
~Planned part of our wedding. Haha. :)
~Spiritually grown.
~Become more confident in myself inside and out.

I could add SO much to this list! I have accomplished SO much and I still have 18 months to go! :) My favorite accomplishments I have made, though, have definitely been the spiritual growth and confidence in myself.

A little over four years ago I continued to go to church, but I made decisions and let things happen that shouldn't of happened. I let myself wander ever so slightly and eventually I was being pulled in. I made a lot of mistakes and I couldn't take any of them back. Looking back now I see how stupid I was. How dumb they all were and that now they mean nothing to me now. I had gone to my bishop about them, done everything I was "supposed" to do with all of it, but it still lingered in my life. I never completely let anything go. I have been looking for peace ever since.. I just wanted to find that equilibrium that I had when I was younger, I wanted to feel the Spirit in my life like I had. Since then I have prayed for comfort and peace, gone to my bishop, and just sincerely asked for forgiveness. I have realized that repentance is a process and is necessary but should be more of you and your Heavenly Father then the process.

I am a very systematic person, to where everything has certain things you do and then the other thing works. Like a recipe. A couple cups of flour and all the exact other ingredient and shabam you have a cake! I had always thought of repentance in this way-- Realize it, feel bad,  stop doing it, make it right, go to bishop if it's necessary, forgive others and yourself and shabam you're forgiven. But it's not totally like that. I have learned that there's a certain spirit you have to do it all with. I don't want to say I wasn't in the right spirit of repentance the first go around, but I wasn't always focusing on what I should have been. I should have changed some other things. Since Mark has been gone I have sincerely forgiven myself and others. I have felt that forgiveness and I can now feel the spirit in my life again in just my everyday. :) I feel so much happier and I know that Mark has helped me come along this way. :) Having this peace of mind now has given me so much more confidence in myself. I feel beautiful and happy. I feel like something someone should want. Before I was just like "Oh yeah I'm not totally ugly. There's so much I can change." Now I respect myself and SEE what Mark was telling me before. I feel beautiful inside and out and I have that confidence I have NEVER had before. It's such a wonderful feeling to have it, too. To go from no confidence in yourself to realizing what people had been telling you wasn't a lie. It's refreshing. :) I love it. :)

I can't believe I have made this type of transformation in 6 months. I went from one person who wasn't totally bad to someone who has the direction of the Holy Ghost, a wonderful relationship with my Heavenly Father and confidence in herself. I literally FEEL different and I love it. :) 

All these changes in just the first six months! I wonder what the next 18 will bring. :)

Goals with a Smile :)

Oh email days, can I say I LOVE THEM!!

Mark just makes me smile. :) There is NO other explanation for it. What he says just melts my heart some weeks. :) Even though they aren't all perfect I just love hearing I love you. :) As long as I hear those three words, I can keep doing this waiting thing. :) He literally makes me tear up. :) The weeks seem like they are getting longer and harder to endure, but he keeps me going. :)

The end of his email this week said this, "Anyways i just want you to know i love you sweetheart. And i dont care that your tall.  Thats stupid,  people who just marry someone because they have a perfect body are ______'s  and ______.  ( you can fill those in lol)  Honestly i could care less if you are tall or short, skinny or fat. All i care about is whats on your insides.  and those insides are good gosh dangit!.   I love you jenn and thats all that matters.  i need to go though and hurry and write my other emails.  I LOVE YOU!! :) :X:X:X:X:X:X:X" If you didn't know, I am over 6'1" AND I have definitely been bugged about it my entire life. It's been something I've been told to be proud of and something I've been self conscious about my entire life. (I should count how many times a day people tell me I am tall, you would probably be surprised.) ANYWAY when I started dating Mark, who isn't as tall as me -- a couple inches shorter, he started getting crap about my height, yeah like that makes me feel better lol. But anyway I love that he said this. :) I don't know where the heck it came from, I don't remember mentioning my height anywhere.. I'll have to re-read my letter or something, but this just gives me more confidence in myself. :)

My thoughts tonight... I feel like I am trying too hard to fit in. I hate it. I am trying to make friends before I go to Utah and I feel like I really have, I have one really good girl friend that I hope I will be roommates with, but other than that, I feel like I've been struggling to fit in or something, which is weird for me because I have always been included. Kind of a reverse in roles I guess and it's weird. But tonight I have decided and made a goal that I will just be me. No more trying to fit in or doing certain things or promising other things just to have friends. I am just going to do me and if they wanna stick around awesome. :) I love people, but other than that I'm good. I need to shorten my Facebook time... I think I will stop going on there so often and focus on the more important things in life. I think I will stop visiting my "Waiting for Missionary" sites every day five times a day and focus on my life. Hopefully that will help this dragging time pick up. :) So those are my goals and I'm going to stick to them. :)

A memory of us: :) Before we were really serious and dating we both had goals that in our marriages divorce wasn't an option. As we have grown closer and more serious to the point to now we want to get married we have been by each others side. No we haven't always been next to each other [that would have been nice :)] But we've just always known that the other person was there no matter what. We have stuck by each other through some of the hardest things some couples never face and we have made it out stronger. I love him more and more everyday. :) In his email today he sent me a video link that just made me tear up and cry. :) I love him so much! He's turning into that man I've always dreamed of and more. :)
http://www.lds.org/pages/mormon-messages?lang=eng#saving-your-marriage

I will NEVER give up! :)

My Life is on HOLD? Where? Please Enlighten Me..

Sometimes on the many Facebook pages of the Waiting for Missionary world I see a post that says "Dating while your missionary is gone is totally essential and definitely needed." But I wonder if this is what they REALLY think. Do they see that there is another side to them then just trying out the waters.. I TOTALLY understand why one girl might feel that dating is essential. I mean look at me, the first time around I dated and now am waiting for a different missionary, but dating is not ESSENTIAL for me now. I have dated before I should have and for so long I feel and now I am focusing on that ever needed and super important relationship with my Heavenly Father.

I believe in life everyone is at different stages, which we all know and only YOU and your Heavenly Father know where you're exactly at. SOMETIMES YOU don't even know where you're exactly at. Some people need to date other people and test out the waters and some just need to live life!

My life has been so fully of boyfriends, them telling me what to do and what not to do that I just want to focus on me and becoming better. YES I STILL have one, but he is gone at the moment being perfected into the person my Heavenly Father wants him to be. :) So why shouldn't I let Him mold me too? Mark doesn't have to date around to become that person so why should I? I don't think you need to date around to see EVERY different quality in every guy and decide what you want. You date and if it doesn't work out great, you learned from it. The next relationship you get in, if there is something you don't like then fine get out of it and continue, but I don't think that looking for that "perfect" guy with all these "perfect" qualities will work out totally. Not saying it wouldn't because it could. Anything is possible. :) But I just remember a lesson in Young Women's we had once where the ladies in there said "There will be at least 10 things you don't like about your husband and while you're dating you just have to pick which 10 things you can put up with for the rest of your life." I totally agree with this. Yes there are some things about Mark that bug me but I get over them. He isn't totally perfect, but the things that aren't perfect about him I have learned to love or just forget all in all. :) I have learned that once you get to know someone and truly LOVE the person they are then you can let go certain things that bug you and learn to love them for them. That's what I've done and Mark has truly become a perfect person to me. :) To some other girl he isn't perfect but since I've learned to sincerely fall in love with him I don't see his flaws but I see and love his strengths. :) I think THAT is what is most important. To find someone you sincerely love to the point where you don't see their flaws anymore. You love who they are and you can't see yourself with any other guy. I honestly CANNOT see myself with anyone else.

It is not a shame to not date. It's not at all and I hope some girls reading this will realize that it is okay to not date even though some girls say it is essential. If you feel like it's right then do it. That's what you should do! You might just find that other person. But if you don't feel like you should date, aren't ready to or anything of that sort for any reason at all don't feel like you SHOULD or HAVE TO. Some people say "You're putting your life on hold" if you don't date. Well is your life ONLY about guys? Is your life SO revolved around a boyfriend or a relationship status that you are putting your entire life on hold to not date while someone you care about is gone? I'm sorry but I think there is more to life then just a relationship status. I KNOW there is more and there are more relationships that I need to strengthen before I get married to anyone. I don't need to date while Mark is gone, but this doesn't mean my life is on hold. My life is better then it has been in years and I am not actively going on dates with anyone.

Some girls say "There is always that IF" that my missionary "Still might not be the one, it's always a possibility." Let's just say that for one slight second you're correct, well I don't see whats wrong with learning how to cook instead of having someone buy me dinner. What guy is going to complain if their girlfriend or wife can cook like a beast and bake like Betty Crocker?! I don't know a man that I'd be interested in who would find me having a strong relationship with my Heavenly Father unattractive. I don't know a guy who wouldn't like their wife to have a strong testimony of their faith. I don't know a guy who wouldn't like their future spouse to know how to mend clothing or make their own clothing. I couldn't imagine a guy who wouldn't like an educated spouse who can help support their family in case he couldn't do so. If a guy wants a family, wouldn't he want someone who is good with children and has experience teaching and taking care of such special spirits? What guy doesn't want a girl who is going to work and saving money for her future. Last time I checked it was a good thing to make and save money. If waiting and not dating while he is gone is putting your life on hold then please tell me where my life is on hold. You don't NEED to date to gain any of the qualities I have mentioned. :) My DATING life might be on hold, but I don't see a problem with the things I am doing while my missionary is gone. I'm not dating but I am STILL becoming a better person. :)

I am a firm believer that for some girls, yes dating is important and essential. :) Go for it! Go date them all and become the person you want from that! Learn from your experiences and don't leave any regrets. But if you aren't dating or don't want to, then don't. You don't have to or need to. If you KNOW with all your heart that your missionary is THE guy for you and you don't have any desire to date there are MANY other aspects in life that you can attend to. :) There's no shame in that. :)

Family Ties

I just got back from an AMAZING weekend with his family and I didn't want to come home! I finally have move in dates and school start dates so now I know when I am moving and what I am doing finally, which is super nice. :) I even went around and collected some applications. :) I'm super excited for college to start. It seems like it is just going to be a lot of fun! :)

I spent a lot of time with his mom, which is normal for when I go there. We sit and talk for hours because there isn't much to do in the middle of nowhere with no internet or television. :) I really enjoy talking to her and I feel like sometimes it's therapeutic for her. She isn't alone all the time when I visit and I know it's super nice to have someone else around when you're just used to being alone. :)

I went and finally saw a show at Tuacahn! I saw "Hairspray" (which I had never seen all the way through before) and I loved it. :) Mark's aunt had an extra ticket so I went with her and some of her friends and kids. :) Good bonding time eh? :) But I really did enjoy myself and I want to go see Aladdin there SO bad! That would be SO cool! :D

I went and visited his other aunt and her family. :) She has 10 kids and is just amazing. :) I love her so much and she is so nurturing! :) I went and taught her how to make pie crust, which was really fun. The kids are finally starting to get used to me being around and come around to me. :) One of the smallest ones is actually talking to me! I really love that so much and I feel like I just fit right in. :)

Last night when I went to be I knew I wouldn't be awake when Mom was awake and going into town for work so I decided to leave her a note telling her what my plans were in the morning and to let her know how much I love and appreciate her. I thanked her for everything she does and that she raised a really good son, who loves her and appreciates her more then I do. :) When I woke up, Mom left me a couple notes that just made my day. :) One of them said "Thanks for loving my boy and I pray your hearts will remain the same -- I know you mean the world to Mark. He wouldn't be in such a great place in his life without your love and support. If it was for mother's to choose, I'd pick YOU!!!" :) Ahhh that just made me so happy! :D

Mark's family just makes me feel so welcome and I love them so much. :) It just feels right, like I am supposed to be there. I already consider them my family lol. :)

Missionary Work is Amazing

I have been recently going out with the missionaries, like I said in my other posts, to help teach a discussion with a girl around my age. Can I say this is one of the best experiences I have had since Mark has been gone? I honestly was SO excited to go the first time they asked if I would and then they asked me again today if I would go. Of course I said yes. :)

Sitting in on the discussions really just strengthens what I know about this church. It makes me want to study the scriptures more and UNDERSTAND them more. I always "read" my scriptures sometimes it sticks and sometimes it doesn't, but listening in to what the missionaries are teaching really makes me want to STUDY the scriptures more often and to be diligent in reading and pondering everything I have to study.

The girl we are teaching really knows a lot about the Bible and she has a lot of questions about the Book of Mormon. Her questions and wonderings about the church really help me understand what I believe more. When you teach a lesson people say that YOU (the teacher) get more then the students and I definitely believe that is true. When I explain something to her it helps me realize that what I know is true and I am helping her see that also.

Some of her questions are really in depth and it amazes me that missionaries do this everyday. They go out and answer some of the hardest questions that just as a member you don't get asked everyday, which to me is just amazing. It helps me see what all the missionaries are out doing. It helps me understand the difficulty that being on a mission is, not even just physically but emotionally and spiritually. You are growing and learning so much during this relatively short time. Oh my gosh I was just in amazement. Mark was telling me that his area is really hard and just seeing how this discussion was difficult because of these questions I can't imagine what he is getting there. I am sure they are either just as hard or even more difficult and complex.

I admire the missionaries. I admire the way that they leave their families for two years to go out and serve the Lord. It isn't easy one bit for them to leave and go into something that isn't easy. It won't be a walk in the park and they know it. But they do it anyways. I love that some have sacrificed so much to go on a mission because they know it is where the Lord wants them to be. :) How much faith they must have to trust in the Lord so much is just admirable. :)

I have such a new respect and excitement for missionary work now and I am sad that I will have to miss this next discussion, but I hope that they continue to invite me. :) Going out with the missionaries is so awesome and I am super excited I have started going and doing this again. :) I love it! :D

Finding Peace in Life as We Know It

I feel like SO much has happened, but honestly when I look back not much has happened at all. I guess just big mile stones for me have happened, which is way nice. :)

I know earlier I said I totally felt okay with how Anthony and I left off but as the time went on it was just really unsettling for me. I didn't know what to do, so I just stopped talking to him. I would see him around but I wouldn't text him much unless he texted me. Our conversations wouldn't last long and I just didn't want to have much to do with him. One night he said that he and I needed to hang out because he was moving soon, the coming Monday (it was Friday night). I told him I was done with work for the day so he could come over and we could figure something out.

When he came over he was talking to my parents and I about his mission and gave them blessings. He really has changed over the past two years. He is really honest and more spiritual. :) I loved seeing the differences in him from when he and I first met to now. He just looks SO much different then he used to. It's the biggest change ever.

So my sisters came home and we went to Dennys for dessert, played basketball at the park then went back to my house so we could watch some videos Mark had sent me from his mission. :) After a while he said he better start going home so I walked him outside and he sat on one of the benches outside my house. I sat on the bench next to his and we talked like we always used to do after we hung out. It was really nice to be able to just talk to him. We talked about how everyone has changed and I told him some changes some people have made. He was surprised at some and not so much in the others. I think telling him how people have changed made me realize "Dang we did really change those last two years." It seems like such a short time compared to our life or eternity but we all change so quickly it's crazy! After we talked for a while we hugged and he left.

The next night we hung out was the last night he would be in town, he was moving away to college. So after church and everything else we were doing he came over to my house and we sat on my porch and talked again. We talked SO long, 4 hours. It didn't even feel like that long. This conversation though was more about what happened two years ago, which is what I really needed for closure. This time around though he told me what he was really thinking, which was somewhat what I already knew but more. What he really had to tell me was a lot nicer and easier to listen to then what he had told me. I felt better about everything after this conversation we had. It was just a relief to me I guess.
After this very long conversation with Anthony I felt better about my relationship with Mark if that makes sense. I felt like I had finally shut off that side of me wondering what went wrong, what I did wrong and I can more fully love Mark, which is a BIG relief. I've always loved Mark, don't get me wrong! But now it's just more complete, if that makes sense to anyone, I don't know, but that's the BEST it's going to get explained. :)

So Anthony didn't end up leaving on Monday, but the next morning. Packing took more time then he thought it would and I asked him if I could see him off. So after my jobs that night I went over to the house he had been staying at while he was back here and we talked again for 2 hours. We didn't talk about too much, just more about life and what we are going to do in the future-- careers and such.

Now that he finally went off to college I feel like I am okay with all the things that have happened in the past and how they are now. I was with Anthony for a long time before and he is one of my best friends now. He and I are really honest with each other and we understand each other. We are both a lot more mature then we were years ago, which is a big relief. He has changed SO much. It's crazy! I love seeing the changes in him and wondering what will happen to Mark while he is gone and if he will have the same type of transformation. :)

From our conversations I got a better understanding for what happened with me while he was gone and an explanation for the weird way Mark and I met. :) Anthony had gone on his mission and prayed that I'd find someone who would make me happy along with other things. He said a month later he was getting told I had a boyfriend. This just showed me that God definitely had a hand in Everything that happened that summer. He really is listening to our prayers and doing what is best for us. :) Now I just feel like Mark is that person that God sent to me to help keep me happy and to complete me. :) I know that sounds SO corny, but he really was God sent. :)  He is the biggest blessing I have ever had and I can never repay him for how he helped me that summer and the rest of our relationship. :)

So that's why I have been, what I feel, SO preoccupied this week. All that has been going on along with my two jobs and me striving to start a personal business. :) Life has definitely been crazy, but I know it's all worth it. :) I love Mark so much and I can't believe that he is real! I am excited and anxious to watch him change these two years and see how much different he is when he gets home. :) Heavenly Father is amazing and really has given me many blessings in my life, including Mark. :) Tonight I am going out with the missionaries in town to teach a lesson to a girl around my age. I am SO excited because I will get a taste of what teaching a lesson is like. :) I haven't sat in on a lesson since Anthony took the lessons! It will definitely be fun and I am anxious for it! :)

This week I have finally found peace with everything. :) Peace with life and knowing that I have made the right decisions. That even though I was hurt for a while Heavenly Father really has picked up my pieces and glued them into a masterpiece. :) I feel like I have been a lot happier and that life as I know it is surely going to be a lot brighter! :)

23 Month Anniversary! :)

Today, well technically yesterday :), was mine and Mark's 1 year and 11 months anniversary. :) I can't believe that in another month it will be our two year anniversary! :D How exciting. :)

I got a letter from him today. :) An absolutely wonderful one that totally made up for him not writing for two weeks. :) He is such a sweetheart and just makes me so happy. :)

I asked for some scriptures and he gave me a whole long page or more of scriptures and explaining them, testifying to me about the truthfulness of the gospel. I loved that SO much! If you knew Mark before he left you'd know he would not of been able to do that, but now it seems like he does it without much effort it just amazes me! He is changing, learning and growing in the gospel so much and I love it. :) He is turning even more into the man of my dreams. :)

When I got his letter I actually was SO excited because it has an SD card full of pictures and videos of just him on his mission. :) I loved it! SO much! He just  makes me so happy and I was SO excited to look at it all. :) He told me to look up a song so while I was waiting for the pictures to go onto my computer I listened to it and it just made me flat out bawl. The song is called What Are Words by Chris Medina and just everything that's said in it reminds me of Mark. He would call me his angel and tell me I'm never alone and that he'd keep me safe. :) Oh my gosh I am in love with this boy. :) He is turning SO much into the man I am going to marry and have for all eternity. :) He is absolutely amazing!

I'd always make him chicken alfredo. :)

The blanket I made him. :)

52 Reasons Why I Love You!

His desk with my picture, my sisters and his cousin. :)

 









I HAVEN'T DONE THIS IN FOREVER! A memory of us. :) Haha let me think!
I don't know if I have shared this memory on here or not but I am going to! :)
When I was making dinner one night at Mark's house his mom had moved and gone into her room and Mark had music blasting. When she left the room he turned on our song and then came over to me, grabbed my hands and started slow dancing with me. :) Oh my gosh that boy knew how to charm me! I had always wanted a guy to do that with me. :) I loved it OH so much. :)

I feel like I have shared that moment, so I think I'm going to share another one too. :)
For my birthday last year we weren't able to spend it together. Since it was also one day away from our first year anniversary it really was a bummer. I hated not being with him and hoped that he would show up at my door unexpectedly. :) Even though I knew that was a long shot I still wished it would happen. :) In the middle of the day the door bell rang and when I opened it ( I KNOW! In all wonderful romantic movies Mark would be there with roses, but that didn't happen.) there was a person with a bouquet of the most beautiful roses I had ever seen and some balloons that said Happy Birthday and Happy Anniversary. :) I couldn't believe it! I loved it so much. :)

I'm forever keeping my angel close. :)