6 Months-- What I Have Learned :)

Haha here I am writing about 6 months a day late. :) But YESTERDAY WAS SIX MONTHS HE'S BEEN GONE! :D

I originally wasn't very excited about it. It was like "Cool... 6 months.... woooooopdeedoo... Another grueling 18 to go..." but when it was ACTUALLY the day I wanted to jump up and scream! :D (I have video footage which I will be putting together with an update. :) Late like usual. ;) ) I feel like A LOT of girls are just waiting for the first 6 months. Then they're like "Oh yeah I can do this." :)

I can't even BELIEVE it's been 6 months first off! It's like "Just yesterday he was still in Utah getting ready to get set apart." Everything has happened so quickly. I feel like I have accomplished So much and I love it! :)

In the first six months I have:

~Finished a semester of college.
~Saved enough money to pay for my first semester at Junior college.
~Worked two jobs.
~Made many friends, some of which I have a feeling I will talk to the rest of my life! :)
~Started packing to move out of my house for the first time.
~Gotten close to Mark's family.
~Planned part of our wedding. Haha. :)
~Spiritually grown.
~Become more confident in myself inside and out.

I could add SO much to this list! I have accomplished SO much and I still have 18 months to go! :) My favorite accomplishments I have made, though, have definitely been the spiritual growth and confidence in myself.

A little over four years ago I continued to go to church, but I made decisions and let things happen that shouldn't of happened. I let myself wander ever so slightly and eventually I was being pulled in. I made a lot of mistakes and I couldn't take any of them back. Looking back now I see how stupid I was. How dumb they all were and that now they mean nothing to me now. I had gone to my bishop about them, done everything I was "supposed" to do with all of it, but it still lingered in my life. I never completely let anything go. I have been looking for peace ever since.. I just wanted to find that equilibrium that I had when I was younger, I wanted to feel the Spirit in my life like I had. Since then I have prayed for comfort and peace, gone to my bishop, and just sincerely asked for forgiveness. I have realized that repentance is a process and is necessary but should be more of you and your Heavenly Father then the process.

I am a very systematic person, to where everything has certain things you do and then the other thing works. Like a recipe. A couple cups of flour and all the exact other ingredient and shabam you have a cake! I had always thought of repentance in this way-- Realize it, feel bad,  stop doing it, make it right, go to bishop if it's necessary, forgive others and yourself and shabam you're forgiven. But it's not totally like that. I have learned that there's a certain spirit you have to do it all with. I don't want to say I wasn't in the right spirit of repentance the first go around, but I wasn't always focusing on what I should have been. I should have changed some other things. Since Mark has been gone I have sincerely forgiven myself and others. I have felt that forgiveness and I can now feel the spirit in my life again in just my everyday. :) I feel so much happier and I know that Mark has helped me come along this way. :) Having this peace of mind now has given me so much more confidence in myself. I feel beautiful and happy. I feel like something someone should want. Before I was just like "Oh yeah I'm not totally ugly. There's so much I can change." Now I respect myself and SEE what Mark was telling me before. I feel beautiful inside and out and I have that confidence I have NEVER had before. It's such a wonderful feeling to have it, too. To go from no confidence in yourself to realizing what people had been telling you wasn't a lie. It's refreshing. :) I love it. :)

I can't believe I have made this type of transformation in 6 months. I went from one person who wasn't totally bad to someone who has the direction of the Holy Ghost, a wonderful relationship with my Heavenly Father and confidence in herself. I literally FEEL different and I love it. :) 

All these changes in just the first six months! I wonder what the next 18 will bring. :)