I feel like SO much has happened, but honestly when I look back not much has happened at all. I guess just big mile stones for me have happened, which is way nice. :)
I know earlier I said I totally felt okay with how Anthony and I left off but as the time went on it was just really unsettling for me. I didn't know what to do, so I just stopped talking to him. I would see him around but I wouldn't text him much unless he texted me. Our conversations wouldn't last long and I just didn't want to have much to do with him. One night he said that he and I needed to hang out because he was moving soon, the coming Monday (it was Friday night). I told him I was done with work for the day so he could come over and we could figure something out.
When he came over he was talking to my parents and I about his mission and gave them blessings. He really has changed over the past two years. He is really honest and more spiritual. :) I loved seeing the differences in him from when he and I first met to now. He just looks SO much different then he used to. It's the biggest change ever.
So my sisters came home and we went to Dennys for dessert, played basketball at the park then went back to my house so we could watch some videos Mark had sent me from his mission. :) After a while he said he better start going home so I walked him outside and he sat on one of the benches outside my house. I sat on the bench next to his and we talked like we always used to do after we hung out. It was really nice to be able to just talk to him. We talked about how everyone has changed and I told him some changes some people have made. He was surprised at some and not so much in the others. I think telling him how people have changed made me realize "Dang we did really change those last two years." It seems like such a short time compared to our life or eternity but we all change so quickly it's crazy! After we talked for a while we hugged and he left.
The next night we hung out was the last night he would be in town, he was moving away to college. So after church and everything else we were doing he came over to my house and we sat on my porch and talked again. We talked SO long, 4 hours. It didn't even feel like that long. This conversation though was more about what happened two years ago, which is what I really needed for closure. This time around though he told me what he was really thinking, which was somewhat what I already knew but more. What he really had to tell me was a lot nicer and easier to listen to then what he had told me. I felt better about everything after this conversation we had. It was just a relief to me I guess.
After this very long conversation with Anthony I felt better about my relationship with Mark if that makes sense. I felt like I had finally shut off that side of me wondering what went wrong, what I did wrong and I can more fully love Mark, which is a BIG relief. I've always loved Mark, don't get me wrong! But now it's just more complete, if that makes sense to anyone, I don't know, but that's the BEST it's going to get explained. :)
So Anthony didn't end up leaving on Monday, but the next morning. Packing took more time then he thought it would and I asked him if I could see him off. So after my jobs that night I went over to the house he had been staying at while he was back here and we talked again for 2 hours. We didn't talk about too much, just more about life and what we are going to do in the future-- careers and such.
Now that he finally went off to college I feel like I am okay with all the things that have happened in the past and how they are now. I was with Anthony for a long time before and he is one of my best friends now. He and I are really honest with each other and we understand each other. We are both a lot more mature then we were years ago, which is a big relief. He has changed SO much. It's crazy! I love seeing the changes in him and wondering what will happen to Mark while he is gone and if he will have the same type of transformation. :)
From our conversations I got a better understanding for what happened with me while he was gone and an explanation for the weird way Mark and I met. :) Anthony had gone on his mission and prayed that I'd find someone who would make me happy along with other things. He said a month later he was getting told I had a boyfriend. This just showed me that God definitely had a hand in Everything that happened that summer. He really is listening to our prayers and doing what is best for us. :) Now I just feel like Mark is that person that God sent to me to help keep me happy and to complete me. :) I know that sounds SO corny, but he really was God sent. :) He is the biggest blessing I have ever had and I can never repay him for how he helped me that summer and the rest of our relationship. :)
So that's why I have been, what I feel, SO preoccupied this week. All that has been going on along with my two jobs and me striving to start a personal business. :) Life has definitely been crazy, but I know it's all worth it. :) I love Mark so much and I can't believe that he is real! I am excited and anxious to watch him change these two years and see how much different he is when he gets home. :) Heavenly Father is amazing and really has given me many blessings in my life, including Mark. :) Tonight I am going out with the missionaries in town to teach a lesson to a girl around my age. I am SO excited because I will get a taste of what teaching a lesson is like. :) I haven't sat in on a lesson since Anthony took the lessons! It will definitely be fun and I am anxious for it! :)
This week I have finally found peace with everything. :) Peace with life and knowing that I have made the right decisions. That even though I was hurt for a while Heavenly Father really has picked up my pieces and glued them into a masterpiece. :) I feel like I have been a lot happier and that life as I know it is surely going to be a lot brighter! :)
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