Today I more or less just wished Mark was here to keep my hopes up and my confidence in myself I guess. He was always so very good at that. Whenever I felt down about myself because I just took a test and I know I didn't do too swell on it I could just call him and he would tell me, "Oh baby it's okay I still love you!" Or something like that. I kept thinking of that's what he would say, but it's just not the same hearing it from yourself lol. I miss hearing him and his voice. I think the video he left me and the voicemail I saved from him are going to get really old after a while. I can already pretty much recite them to anyone and it hasn't even been a month yet...
I got my first package to him sent though! I crushed up oreos and put them in some rice crispy treats and then formed the treats into Hershey kisses, dipped the bottom into chocolate and then into more crushed oreos. I have to say that they were delicious and I hope he gets them when they are still good too! I also made him the "52 Reasons Why I Love You" thing from pinterest that has been going around. It's super cute and I hope he likes it. :) I had written the 52 things last night and could keep going past 52. :) I am sure some of them were just different ways to say the same thing, but I still think he will like it. :) Then just a bunch of hearts I cut out and stuck in there. There are seriously so many that I don't know what he will do with them or can or will.. He might just throw them away, which I don't doubt he will do. I wouldn't blame him either cause there are A LOT of hearts lol. :)
Hmm.. story for the night?... How 'bout an attribute? :) : Mark always had a way of making me feel safe. Always. He was a 4 hour drive away (at one point 8 hours) and he still made me feel safer than my own family. I remember one night I was at Denny's with some friends after a performance or something at school and we were out late, almost 1. He always asked where I was and if I was safe at home before he would go to bed. This particular night I had to tell him no and that I was out with some friends. He then said, "I will wait until you get home to go to bed. I need to know you're safe." Now I know what some people might be thinking, this is a little overbearing and maybe stalkerish? I had talked to him one night about it this and why he did it. He told me that he sleeps better knowing that I am safe. We both don't like going to bed if the other isn't safe or if we weren't on good terms. [We would always try and make up before we went to sleep. Unfortunately this caused us to stay up to ridiculous hours trying to work it out, but we almost always went to sleep knowing we still loved each other. :) ].
But this is definitely one attribute to him that I absolutely loved. My dad left my family when I was four, so I have never really had a caring father figure and even though Mark was not anything close to a dad, he was still a masculine figure that helped me feel safe and loved. :) You don't notice how important this type of love is until you have gone without it for so long. I also remember a time when I was talking to him about my deepest fear. One that just scares me to the point to where I cry a lot. I don't care to share it to the whole world, so I will let you use your imagination. But I just remember when I had started talking about it and crying about it he just held me tighter and let me know that if that ever happened he would be there by my side the entire time. That he would be my support. :) That always made me feel better. He just had a way of making everything seem like it was going to be okay one way or another. Just feeling his arms around me made a rush of calm go over me. :) That's what I will miss the most these two years. I know that these two years are a time of growth for me and for him, so I feel like I will learn to trust in the Lord more than I have been and see that he is there for my support too. So I hope that's one attribute I gain from this waiting experience. :)
I love my missionary and I am excited that I am one day closer!
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