The Beginning of Eternity

Well this is my first blog ever and I am not sure if anyone will ever actually read this, but I feel like it would be a fun experience; writing my missionary waiting journey. So I guess the first object that I need to discuss is me and my missionary. My missionaries name is Mark; Elder Mark Gardner! He is serving in the Atlanta Georgia North Mission and he left January 11, 2012.

Mark and I met around a year and a half ago... I am not sure exactly what day, but how we met I think is the real kicker! I went on a Back East Trip with my stake to go and visit the church history sites. But for you to fully understand everything, I must go in to detail about what had happened in my life before I went on this trip.

I had a high school boyfriend named Anthony. He was the second boyfriend I had ever had, but my first (I guess you could say) serious boyfriend. I invited him to church and everything just went from there. He took the discussions and after about a month of praying about it and thinking about if he should be baptized, he finally decided that was what he should do. After a year he turned 19 and I wanted him to go on a mission and had him pray about going on one. He finally decided that that was what he should do and started his mission papers. When his family found out (who were first off against him joining the church all together) they were not very happy, at all! He got his call to Denver Colorado South and has been there since May of 2010. This first experience of him going on a mission was one of the hardest most struggling times I had ever been through in my entire life. He and I had broken up before he left; he said that he wanted me to date other people to see what I wanted. He was my best friend along with boyfriend of 2 years and a month and I felt like I had lost him. On top of that his parents absolutely hated me and told his sister to never spend time with me because I was a bad person. So needless to say I was not going through an easy time and was just looking for some relief. Every night I just felt like I was in a dark hole, reaching for someone to help me, but when I grasped for something I would just get empty air. I also remember feeling that half of me was gone and that I could never be whole without him. It was in July after he left that I went on this trip with my stake.

I know you're jealous of my Ninja Turtles. :)

On this trip I shared a room with my best friend forever Nicole (our mom's were friends before we were even born), my sister, and another friend from church. We had so much fun and for me it was just so much fun to get away from my life back home. Such a relief. I didn't have to think about everything for a whole two weeks! At the hotels on this trip we definitely did not care what other people thought. So therefore we had all bought a pair of boxers to wear around. This one specific night we had gotten done swimming and showered and Nicole and I decided to ride the elevator and just talk to everyone who rode it. After a while a boy came in and just looked at us. We just said, "HI! You want to ride with us?!" and surprisingly he said sure and sat down. Through our short conversation with this boy we became friends. The night before our long trip home on the buses my sister, Nicole and I found ourselves hanging out with -- who we will call-- elevator boy and his cousin and we exchanged numbers. For me, it was just a lot of fun to flirt with another guy again. It was definitely just harmless flirting! Friendly! :) But fun.

We look crazy, but we had SO much fun. :)

Elevator boy and I texted every once in a while and one night I got a text from some unknown number. Elevator boy told me he had given my number to a different cousin that I hadn't met. So I was all game you know? I was lonely and thought it would be nice to have another guy to talk to. Plus this guy texted back faster than elevator boy! So i asked him if he had any other name than Elevator boy's cousin and he said it was Mark.

SO there you go! That's how we met. :) Apparently he had just gotten out of a bad relationship too (ironically he and I got broken up with on the same day) and was just looking for an outlet like I was. I don't know why, but I just felt like I could open up to him and he opened up to me too. After a week I think I knew more about this boy then I even knew about my best friend! All I knew was I loved talking to this guy. Absolutely loved it! At that time though he knew I was going through a tough time with having my last boyfriend on a mission and I was not sure what I was going to do. I still was having strong thoughts about waiting for him still. I also thought, "Well Mark would go on his mission before Anthony came back so I could just get him off on his mission and not worry about it." Now don't call me a bad person because this is what I thought. I was friends with Mark and didn't think he would date me. So I figured that he was a harmless guy to talk to and maybe get in a relationship with, not as a rebound but as a fun boyfriend.

My oldest sister had moved to Utah for school and since it was summer time my mom wanted to go visit her. Of course we were all excited to go! She wanted to go the day right after my birthday, which I was okay with. What else would I do for my birthday? Sit and cry wishing Anthony was there? (By this time I was still spontaneously crying every once in a while, but this was better than everyday like it had been!) So guess what! Mark actually lived in Utah! I really wanted to meet this boy! My mom agreed to meet up with him for lunch on the way there and he agreed also, which I was super excited about!

So on the day before my birthday he said he had a surprise for me for my birthday. SO I got really excited! I kept asking him if I could call him and talk to him, but for some reason he wouldn't. The next day I was texting him and he asked if I was ready for my surprise. I said "YES!" and the next thing I knew he was calling me! I was SO excited and ran out to my back porch and answered. He said "Hey! Happy Birthday!" Oh my gosh I was dreaming! I had to be dreaming! His voice was deep, like beautifully deep and I LOVED it. I could literally listen to him talk for hours and never get bored! :) So he and I talked for a while and then Nicole came over for my party. So I let her listen in to our conversation for a while and then we got off the phone. I was excited to meet him the next day! :) SO Excited! That night he and I were texting and we were talking about him getting a girlfriend. I liked him so much that I just wanted to date him. I really did. He was a sweetheart and was So nice to me and understood everything. He was exactly what I needed at that time. He told me, "I want to date someone like you." Of course I was thinking, "Someone LIKE me?! Why not me!" So I asked some question and he said that he didn't want to date long distance, which I understood. So I didn't totally give up the possibility, but I got a little discouraged. Then later that night, we talked until really late or early, and he asked me to be his girlfriend. OH MY I was so excited! But I told him that I didn't want to do anything without meeting him first to see how we act around each other. If it was awkward I didn't want to date. So he understood.

Mark and I at lunch. First picture together! :)

The next day we started on our trip to Utah. I was So excited and nervous. :) I couldn't wait though. When we finally got to the place we had decided to meet up, my stomach was churning! I got a call from him and he said he was there. I told him I was too and we looked around and saw each other. I was walking on a sidewalk next to some parked cars and he was walking toward the sidewalk. For a few seconds I didn't see him, which threw me off (I found out later that he had hid behind a truck for a minute because he thought I was so beautiful and got really nervous. :) ). But then I saw him and just couldn't do anything but smile! :) He was cute and his voice... need I say more? :) While we spent time together I got to ride in his truck with him. I finally decided to grab his hand. I was debating whether to ask him if I could or not, but then I just grabbed it. We held hands whenever we could and I loved it. :) When I had to leave again, though, I walked him to his truck and he took my hands into his and said, "So I have a question for you." I said, "Yes?" He said, "So what is your answer? Will you be my girlfriend?" I just smiled and said yes. :) From then on out my trip to Utah I just was SO happy. I was like floating. I don't know if I ever touched the ground. :)

Now I know what you're thinking, where is Anthony in all this? Did I tell him? What did he think about it? Well I didn't want to tell him just yet. Mark and I were together for about a month and I was nervous to tell him. I still thought about him a lot and cared about him. I still wrote him every week and emailed him. His sister, though, found out I had another boyfriend. She decided to tell him too. I kinda freaked out a little on the inside. I wanted to tell him first, but I was too slow I guess. The next email I got from Anthony was him asking if it was true and that if it was he wouldn't get mad but he just wanted to know. I told him it was true and that I meant to tell him but didn't know how. I told him not to worry about anything because it wasn't serious at all. He and I had a long distance relationship and that he shouldn't even worry about it. The next emails I got changed how I thought about Anthony and my relationship... He answered saying that it was okay and that he understood. After that broke out though, I just felt like he couldn't talk to me or thought he couldn't. I felt bad, but I still wanted that close friendship I had with him, so I flat out asked him about it. He answered and said that he saw what I meant and maybe it seemed like we couldn't talk as much or weren't as close because he wasn't my boyfriend anymore. (I understood that and thought that could possibly be the reason why). He then said, "I don't want to sound mean or anything but I think that it's good that we don't talk everyday. When we were talking everyday it was the same thing we said at the same times and just got boring. Now we actually have stuff to talk about all the time. Sorry I don't mean to sound mean, but yeah." To me that hurt... He and I had talked about getting married! You have to talk/see your spouse everyday! If he couldn't talk to me everyday without getting bored then we were not fit to get married. That email is what made me want to get over Anthony. I didn't want to be with him anymore... what he said hurt and I might have taken it wrong, but to me it was just a finality that he and I were over. It took me a few months, but I finally got over Anthony and I don't want to be with him anymore. To this day I still don't want to be with him. He is a very nice guy, but he will always just be a friend to me.

So that is the in depth version of how Mark and I met. :) All my thoughts and all. Since that time Mark and I have gotten closer and I have fallen in love. :) He has treated me well and I love being around him. Although we haven't been the perfect couple; we have had fights and disagreements about a lot of things, but all in all those imperfections have made us grow closer. Having a long distance relationship for a year and a half has definitely taught me that it will never be easy. People always say that in a marriage you have to sacrifice a lot and I soon figured out that in a long distance relationship you have to sacrifice a lot! Especially time. I wanted to feel close to him and how he showed me he cared was he spent time talking to me. There are so many details and moments of mine and Mark's relationship that I want to share, but I will share at least one memory each day, along with how my wait is going. It has been 22 days since he left! Every day is one day closer!

To all of you who are waiting for a boy, just remember it takes sacrifice to make a relationship. Sacrifice time to write your missionary! I know that showing Mark that I care through writing him a little everyday he sees that I am committed to waiting for him. (You could imagine how he feels considering I didn't wait for the first guy.) But I love him and I am faithfully waiting for him!

The number one thing I keep reminding myself is: Every day is one day closer! :D