Life Without You

I got an amazing email today! I don't know how he does it! He always says things that I needed to hear that week. :) "Jennica never forget how much i love you, dah i teared up a little. I just cant imagine life without you. i promise if you wait for me ill do my best to keep you happy for the rest of my life. I LOVE YOU!!! :) :X :X: X :X :X" This made me cry. :) I am SO proud of him and I just love him a lot. :) I miss him yes, but I am super happy that he has chosen to go on a mission. He and I both need this time to get close to our Heavenly Father. I know that with this time he and I will love each other more along with our Father in Heaven.

The first time I started waiting for a missionary I was told that he and I would grow closer through writing letters and I strongly believe and finally see that. :) He makes me want to do better in life. :) He is helping me strengthen my testimony. That's something that I will always thank him for. :) I personally could never see my life without him. I love him! :)

Good Night! Sleep Tight!

Well I got to hear from Mark yesterday! :) I was super excited! The cutest thing he said was, "I L O V E Y O U!!! dont forget that honey. Anytime you're feeling down just remember that one simple thing. Goodnight and sweet dreams until i can tuck you in again :) :X :X :X :X " That's what my story is!!! :D


When I would go and see Mark his mom wouldn't let us sleep in the same room. (Same way at my house also I might add.) But his mom worked at a hotel so I would sleep in one room and he would sleep in another, they were connected but separate rooms. ANYWAY when it was time to go to bed he would always come in my room and we would pray together and read our scriptures. He would give me a kiss and I would get under the blankets. We would usually hug and kiss and then he would tuck me in. :) Literally like put a blanket on me, then cause it's colder in Utah then what I am used to he would put another one on and another until he ran out of blankets. :) He would tuck them under my legs and feet and make sure I was comfy and tell me, "Babe if you need anything just remember I am in the other room." or "If you get cold and need another blanket I am in the other room." :) I would say something like alright thanks babe. :) And sit up and just smile at him :) A lot! He would ask, "What?!" and I'd just say, "I love you! :)" Sometimes I would say, "Babe! Babe! You forgot something!" He'd finally come over and I'd just kiss him, :) tell him I love him and say good night. :) When he'd be in his room and turn out the light I'd yell, "BABE!! I LOVE YOU!!! GOOD NIGHT!! :)" or he would and we'd say it back. :) I miss that SO much! :) 


I can't wait until he can tuck me in again! I love that SO much! Shoot, I just can't wait until I can go visit his mom and sleep in his bed. That will be nice... But I am not sure if I can handle that just yet. I am thinking about going there in May so I can talk to Mark during Mother's Day. :) I can't wait to hear his voice again! :) I will just melt.. and cry.. but melt! :) I love him. :) SO Much and him being away just shows me how much I really do love him. :)

What I Do as a Missionary Girlfriend

So this past weekend I got bored I guess you could say. :) I just got a wonderful idea to make a video about what I, as a missionary girlfriend, do everyday now that my boyfriend isn't here all the time. Well he was never really here all the time so there really is nothing different. I need to keep remembering that everyday is a day closer to the day that he and I can actually be together in the same town! I can't wait!

Here is the link to my video I made. <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9r_6P8GwBe4&feature=plcp&context=C3af0d85UDOEgsToPDskLmhMOHrJ_9juMlnlvFTZ9t> I am really silly in it, but you gotta understand that I need something fun to do! So I have resorted to making silly videos of myself. :)

I really miss Mark today... I really really do... I can't wait until he is back because I don't wanna be without him anymore.. IT HASN'T EVEN been a MONTH and I want him back... I just want to make it through these 2 years. I am ready to move because that would mean it's been 6 months and in another 18 he will be home. I think I might stay away from my missionary waiting pages for a little bit. Sometimes I get discouraged seeing how little my time is compared to some other girls'. I know that might seem silly, but I just want time to seem like it's going by and not dragging by. Ugh I don't know. ALL I know is I miss Mark. I miss him terribly... So here are some pictures of us that I love. :) Good for reminiscing. :) I miss him, but I am going to be with him for time and all eternity so these two years are really just the blink of an eye. :)

Fake Text and Party for ONE! :D

Alright so this week has literally felt like it's flown by! I forget what day of the week it is anymore and am just like "It's THURSDAY?!" Crap! I am happy time is going by so quickly but it also is crazy how it feels like it's going by so fast. Keeping busy all the time really does help when you're waiting!

Tonight I definitely was just wanting to have fun. I had to close at Sonic so I got off at 11:30 ish and when I was driving home I was singing SO loud and obnoxiously. THEN!! Party Rock Anthem came on. UH OH!! I definitely broke out the driving dance moves!!! :) Loved it! I had so much fun... all by myself!!! :) I am definitely going to dance and sing to myself more often! :) 

I don't have anything really terribly new to talk about. It hasn't been too long since I last posted. :) But I just miss Mark. The other night I started having doubts of if he really did love me like he said he did. If you're waiting for your missionary I am sure you know what I am talking about! (And if you haven't experienced these yet you will eventually...) But then a good friend reminded me, "He's done a lot for you. Right now? He is on a mission so y'all can spend eternity together so happily. I am positive he respects you more now that he is on his mission. That's probably why he said he's turning into the man you need or deserve." After she reminded me of that I was like, "How could I forget?!" In one of his letters he told me he had good news and bad news. He told me the bad news and then said, "The good news is I am turning more into the man who is going to be your future husband." :) How could you not smile reading that?! I just started tearing up when he said that. :) I don't understand how he does it. How he can make me feel SO much better about myself and make me feel whole being a crap load of distance away? He has like magical powers I think. :)

Haha so for some reason I was thinking about the day he went to the MTC. He had texted me on his drive to the MTC saying that his cousins would have his phone and might try texting me. I didn't really think they would try texting me, but I was all, "Oh okay thanks for warning me. :)" After Mark told me he loved me and we said "I'll see you laters" I sent a text to his cousin we call Nubbs to see if he had left yet. Nubbs and I texted a little and then he said, "We just got a call from Mark." I was like WHAT? Not uh. And then I got a text from Mark's phone saying, "Hey I'm not going anymore. I just want to go get married! Cause I really don't want to loose you! I love you!" I was thinking Haha I wish my boyfriend was that much of a hopeless romantic. I was feeling like I wished he was for real and then I was glad I knew it was fake cause I knew a mission was what was best for both of us. I just texted back and said Haha nice try. Mark doesn't use that many exclamation points! Then they said oh darn well we had to tease ya some how! :) It definitely made me smile that they care enough to tease me lol. I love Mark's family. They are seriously like my family and I feel like I fit in really well there too. :)

I think what these past few days have taught me was even though I don't have Mark around me all the time and even though I am alone a lot more often then usual, I can still have fun and he still makes me feel loved. :) He makes me feel important and I think that's definitely a wonderful quality he has. :) I love him and miss him, but I am one day closer! :)

One Month Vlog!

I have finally succeeded in finishing my one month video! :D I am pretty content with how it turned out. :) So here is the link! :) <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5twULt-3XY&context=C3efc21cADOEgsToPDskIHOGCoHapCIxS1w-LPwti0>

What Doesn't Kill Me Only Makes Me Stronger

Tonight I definitely realized how much I miss Mark. Before tonight I was thinking, "Yeah! I am okay! This will be okay!" But tonight I had class and I just got so overwhelmed and all I was thinking was, "I wish I could call Mark right now." I just wanted to hear him say everything would be okay. I loved it when he would back me up and tell me I was making the right decisions. I now feel like people are trying to take advantage of me... It's like they don't understand and they think I am malicious because of what I don't want to do right now because I am thinking of my future. They don't think about my future. They don't see what I see. Mark did. Mark saw my future with his and he wanted what was best for both of us. He sees everything like I do. He took the time to sit and listen to me and fully understand. There was no interrupting me and saying, "Yeah but Jennica look at this." before I even got to the point of my situation. He supports me in what I want to do and that's what I miss most, that support. I just feel like I got done running a 10 mile marathon with my legs just jiggly and shaky all the time. I don't have my foundation anymore... I miss that the most.

I hate it when you're going through a tough time and then people decide to say mean things to you and blame you for their problems. Shoot I already have enough tough times to go through I don't need you making me feel any worse than I already do! The worst part is they don't even understand the top little layer of what I am going through every day! Every day! Nothing has changed day to day. Since Mark has left I feel like every week something else in my "normal" routine goes haywire and I have to fix it somehow... I just want to wake up and have all my problems solved you know? Like have everything be okay.

I also hate when people are SO loud and obnoxious talking to other people about their lives and how terrible they are. How hard their life is. I don't know their situation so I am probably being a hypocrite, but I don't flaunt around how hard my life is. I don't enjoy people feeling sorry for me. I want people to look up to me, not feel sorry for the stuff I do. It bugs me when people say the same things over and over too. Tonight I was just thinking, "Alright alright we have already heard that you have to wake up at 4 in the morning to go to work! If you really cared you would get your butt over here and help me get this lab done instead of just sitting there being loud while I figure EVERYTHING out! If you would help and stop talking I could be able to process what I am reading PLUS get you out of here so you can go home to get the sleep that you obviously don't value as much as you say you do." People... Sorry for the ranting but I just had to get it out!

What the worst part of adjusting to waiting is the fact that the one thing you want, the one thing that you feel like will make it all better you can't get. You can't hear his voice or call him. You can't get that hug or the "It's all going to be okay." You can MAYBE get it in the next letter in a week, but by then you have a whole new set of problems... This is where I think the trusting in the Lord comes in. I thought I had a lot of trust in the Lord, but now I notice that I used to not really rely too much on him. I mean I would pray every night and read my scriptures, but I don't feel like I really went straight to him when I needed help with something or to just calm down like I should have. I notice now I went to Mark instead. This is going to be my focus while Mark is gone. To obtain a strong relationship with my Father in heaven so that I don't feel like life is giving me whip lash.

To me life just feels like a roller coaster. You have your ups and downs and even if you're not ready for the loop-de-loop the coaster doesn't care and you're going through it if you like it or not! I wish I could just close my eyes like I could on a coaster and just go through the obstacles in life... I am not one to let life decide what it's going to do with me though, I am going to decide what I do with my life. (Of course I intend to create a relationship with my Heavenly Father and have his help and guidance.) One thing that I need to keep remembering is to not look back and keep moving forward.

The quality I want to talk about with mine and Mark's relationship is definitely the support system we are to each other. I supported every decision he made that made sense, even if it wasn't what I wanted for him at the time. He, at one point, didn't want to serve a mission. Although I didn't totally agree with his reasoning he had said that he prayed about it and that was the answer he got from it. Of course I didn't question him (I felt like that would be questioning God) and I supported him. But I kept praying every night that if it was meant for him to go on a mission that that's what would happen. After a while I prayed about if he should serve and I felt like he should, but I was scared to tell him what I felt. When I finally got the courage to tell him a couple nights later he said that he had prayed and gotten the same answer. So I was relieved that we got the same answer! But then forward I supported him getting ready for his mission and doing the things he needed to do to be able to leave. I don't regret my decisions in supporting him either. Yes this hasn't been the best or easiest experience for me yet, but I KNOW for a fact that this is where he is supposed to be. His testimony has already doubled and he has only been out for a month. I know that I am supposed to get some kind of strength from this situation too. Tonight driving home I though it was ironic that I listened to this song on the radio that kept saying "What doesn't kill me only makes me stronger" and then I turned the station after that song was over and it was just starting on the next station I wanted to listen to! So I know I am going to be getting strength from these two years. I have big plans to strengthen my relationship with my God. I know he loves me and that he wouldn't want Mark to go on a mission if it wasn't good for him. I have a testimony of this and I know that God wants what is best for me. I can see how he is molding me through trials. I want a better relationship with him and I know he wants the same thing too. I love him and I know he is real! I love my religion, but I especially love MY Heavenly Father!

In a Nutshell :)

Oh so I have been meaning to do this for a while, but I made a prezi presentation of me and my missionary a while ago. So this is mine and Mark's story in a nut shell. :)

http://prezi.com/t-5adzxjljyp/mark-and-jennica/

P-DAY! :D

It has been such a long time since I have blogged! A lot has happened well kinda. Not really. I am still just going through my boring old life, two jobs and writing Mark.

Today was p-day and he let me know that he accidentally deleted all of his pictures.... GAH! I am not really mad, I just wish it didn't happen cause that means ALL his pics from the MTC are Gone! Just gone... Now it's going to take him doubly as long to send me any. He actually sent me one today that is him with a du-rag on. :) He looks funny, but I love him. :) This picture made me laugh SO much! :) I just think it's funny that's the first picture I have ever seen of him on his mission.

He sent me a Valentine's Day card that said stuff about everyday he counts the minutes until he is back again with me. :) It was the PERFECT card for the occasion and situation; OF COURSE IT'S HALLMARK! :) He also sent me a picture of the Salt Lake Temple where he said, "I found this and just wanted to send it to you to give you something to look at. This is where we WILL be married in 2 YEARS! :)" Then he drew a picture of me and him and holding hands with the word FOREVER on top of that. :) I thought that was super cute. :) 

I don't know. It was a month two days ago and it doesn't seem like time is going too slow. It's going nice and constant. I have a lot of activities.. or responsibilities... to keep me entertained, which makes the time go faster! His cousin came into town and visited me! :) That was fun. He reminds me a lot of Mark and did a lot of the same things Mark does, like puts his hat on his knee and stuff. I miss Mark a lot... Each day it gets a little harder to cope, but I am doing it! Oh and my countdown chain now touches the floor! :D

I am not sure what story I want to tell. I haven't really had any particular memory on my mind today or this week actually. I was actually reminded of how much Mark would want to protect me. This week the guy (old friend) Mark would call my stalker texted me and is trying to start a lot of drama with me, like usual. I just remember Mark always saying "Don't talk to him, he is no good. He isn't going to be nice." Just stuff like that. I need to remember that!

Not having him around all the time really sucks. It honestly does. I want to deny the fact that I miss him a lot, but I really do. I am used to not always being with him, but I really just want to be able to hear his voice... I miss that the most! Just his calm and soothing voice... I can't wait until Mother's Day!

He sent me an email today that said, "Hey baby. I just had a few minutes before dinner and pday ends so I thought I'd hurry and tell you that I love you and that you're freakin amazing! :) :X :X :X Don't forget that! Goodnight and sweet dreams until next week my cuddle muffin. :) :X :X :X I L O V E Y O U!!! :X :X :X Keep smiling for me  honey, that's what keeps me going. Oh and I printed out one of your pictures to hang on my wall. :) :X :X :X"

That email made me feel special and happy and just happy. :) I love feeling important to him still. He is supposed to write me a long letter today! So I am stinkin excited! :D He says he has a lot to tell me and I hope he writes a lot today. I want to hear everything he has to say! :)

Well I am off to bed, but until next time, Everyday is one day closer!

Safety and Encouragement

Today I more or less just wished Mark was here to keep my hopes up and my confidence in myself I guess. He was always so very good at that. Whenever I felt down about myself because I just took a test and I know I didn't do too swell on it I could just call him and he would tell me, "Oh baby it's okay I still love you!" Or something like that. I kept thinking of that's what he would say, but it's just not the same hearing it from yourself lol. I miss hearing him and his voice. I think the video he left me and the voicemail I saved from him are going to get really old after a while. I can already pretty much recite them to anyone and it hasn't even been a month yet...

I got my first package to him sent though! I crushed up oreos and put them in some rice crispy treats and then formed the treats into Hershey kisses, dipped the bottom into chocolate and then into more crushed oreos. I have to say that they were delicious and I hope he gets them when they are still good too! I also made him the "52 Reasons Why I Love You" thing from pinterest that has been going around. It's super cute and I hope he likes it. :) I had written the 52 things last night and could keep going past 52. :) I am sure some of them were just different ways to say the same thing, but I still think he will like it. :) Then just a bunch of hearts I cut out and stuck in there. There are seriously so many that I don't know what he will do with them or can or will.. He might just throw them away, which I don't doubt he will do. I wouldn't blame him either cause there are A LOT of hearts lol. :)

Hmm.. story for the night?... How 'bout an attribute? :) : Mark always had a way of making me feel safe. Always. He was a 4 hour drive away (at one point 8 hours) and he still made me feel safer than my own family. I remember one night I was at Denny's with some friends after a performance or something at school and we were out late, almost 1. He always asked where I was and if I was safe at home before he would go to bed. This particular night I had to tell him no and that I was out with some friends. He then said, "I will wait until you get home to go to bed. I need to know you're safe." Now I know what some people might be thinking, this is a little overbearing and maybe stalkerish? I had talked to him one night about it this and why he did it. He told me that he sleeps better knowing that I am safe. We both don't like going to bed if the other isn't safe or if we weren't on good terms. [We would always try and make up before we went to sleep. Unfortunately this caused us to stay up to ridiculous hours trying to work it out, but we almost always went to sleep knowing we still loved each other. :) ].

But this is definitely one attribute to him that I absolutely loved. My dad left my family when I was four, so I have never really had a caring father figure and even though Mark was not anything close to a dad, he was still a masculine figure that helped me feel safe and loved. :) You don't notice how important this type of love is until you have gone without it for so long. I also remember a time when I was talking to him about my deepest fear. One that just scares me to the point to where I cry a lot. I don't care to share it to the whole world, so I will let you use your imagination. But I just remember when I had started talking about it and crying about it he just held me tighter and let me know that if that ever happened he would be there by my side the entire time. That he would be my support. :) That always made me feel better. He just had a way of making everything seem like it was going to be okay one way or another. Just feeling his arms around me made a rush of calm go over me. :) That's what I will miss the most these two years. I know that these two years are a time of growth for me and for him, so I feel like I will learn to trust in the Lord more than I have been and see that he is there for my support too. So I hope that's one attribute I gain from this waiting experience. :)

I love my missionary and I am excited that I am one day closer!

Perfect Enough for the Big Screen

I got to hear from him today... well Monday. lol. He makes me feel absolutely amazing when he emails me. :) He told me that he loved my hair and I said I thought he would hate it and he said, "Babe I couldn't ever hate anything about you." He is such a sweetheart! :) When he had to go he said, "I LOVE YOU MRS GARDNER!!!!!:)" Who doesn't like hearing that?! :) So today when I sent off his letter I signed it, Jennica Gardner. :) I hope he notices and says something about it. :)



Today I made him his rice crispies for Valentines Day! We took some oreos and crushed them and put them in with the cereal. Then formed them into hershey's kisses and dipped the bottoms in chocolate and then dipped that into more crushed oreos. Needless to say they are absolutely delicious! I just hope they are still good by the time they get to him! It might take at least a week... I need to get that sent today, Tuesday! Valentines Day is also our one year and 7 months. :) I can't wait until it's our two year, or three year! Three year is even better! That would mean he comes home in 6 months! :)

So the story I wanna tell tonight is just something sweet he did, I doubt he would remember it, but I will always remember this. :)

I was making dinner, I am not even sure what it was now that I try to remember. But I just remember him going over to his computer and messing with some music. His mom went into her room. Mark turned on our song and then walked over to me and hugged me from behind. :) I turned to hug him and then he somehow smoothly slid my hand into his and held my waist and started dancing with me while smiling at me and kinda singing the words to our song. :) I don't know if I had ever told him this but that was one thing I wanted my husband to do with me. :) I saw it in the movie Charly once and I thought it was so adorable! When he did that I melted. :) Just melted inside. :) I couldn't stop smiling -- shoot I can't stop smiling now just writing about it!. He kept asking me, "What?" I just said, "I love you. :)"

He did that a couple times and I loved it both times. :) Absolutely loved it! He is so adorable and I cannot wait to have him back, but every day is one day closer right?

Waiter Haters

Tonight I encountered another one of the many "Waiter Haters". For all of you who don't know who these people are, they are the considerate people who decide to tell every girl waiting for a missionary that they usually don't work out, that it's dumb to wait, that they deserve better, that they will get married before the come home, or --the ever more dreaded -- your missionary will tell you that he doesn't want to be with you anymore. This certain waiter hater decided to say, "I hate to tell you this but every girl who was supposed to wait for my companions never did." That, "they most likely never work out, either they send a Dear John or the missionary writes them off and tells them he doesn't want to be with them anymore." Although I appreciated his "concern" I feel like I know my relationship with my boyfriend better than anyone else who barely knows me. I feel like the answers I have gotten through prayer about my missionary are more relevant than some RM telling me that missionary girlfriends usually don't work out. So therefore I am still diligently waiting and writing my missionary. :)

Today was kind of just a weird day. I don't know how else to describe it. I feel like I was spiritually nourished and that's why there was so much opposition today. Unfortunately I cannot have a good spiritual day without Satan having some say in it. Dumb! But I am just glad I have free agency and power over Satan because I have a body. That's comforting to know too. :)

Tonight I don't want to share just one specific story about Mark and I. I just want to reflect on how he and I strived to keep each other spiritually nourished. Although we had a long distance relationship, he and I read scriptures together over Skype and prayed together too. I loved knowing that I could talk to him about church related topics and not feel awkward. I loved kneeling to pray with him. This was one of the favorite memories I have of him. :) Not that he just loved me, but that he wanted to grow in the gospel with me. I knew I could talk to him about absolutely anything and he wouldn't judge me or think I was a terrible person for asking something. I knew he was always there for me no matter what. :) I feel like we are still there for each other now! We aren't nearly as close as we used to be (distance wise), but I know that he is still here in my heart. I can still feel him around me and I know this sounds weird, but I sometimes have conversations with him in my head. I wonder what his opinion would be and I know what he would tell me sometimes. :) I love that I know him that well. :) It makes me feel better. :) I miss my missionary a lot, but I am doing what I can here to prepare for life after he comes back. I feel like as long as I grow in the gospel along side of him that when he comes back he and I will be able to feel like those two years were a wonderful experience for both of us. :) I want to be just as spiritually strong as he will be. :) I know I can do it! :)

"I might not be there yet, but I am closer than I was yesterday." :)

Farewell

Well I haven't heard from him since Monday, which is weird considering he usually sends me a letter on Mondays too so I get one during the week... He said he would send one, but I guess he wasn't able to send it. He is now in Georgia though. He left to his actual mission on Tuesday. He also said he would be able to call to let us know he made it safe and we don't think we got that call either, so as  you can imagine I am really nervous and have been worried sick all week. I just hope he can email me Monday. If I don't hear from him then I will for sure freak out... It's nerve racking! Wondering if he is okay or not. I used to never have to worry that he was still alive and okay, but now I just wonder all the time. His cousin who just came home from his mission told me that we would have gotten a call from someone by now if something bad happened, so I am holding him to that! I am sure he is okay, I just worry too much for my own good!

Hmm so story time... the story I was thinking of was when he gave his farewell talk. :) I had gone up to Utah to spend our last time together before he left. It was New Years weekend that I got to go there. So New Years night we stayed up writing his talk. He was saying all these funny things that I didn't think he would actually say. :) Most of them were to just make me laugh. :) So I got a little surprise when I sat down to hear  him speak.

It was his turn to speak so he got up and told the congregation to bare with him because he had stayed up all last night. He let them know he was called to the Atlanta Georgia North mission and that he was so excited to serve there and serve the people there. He told them, "You know I didn't always want to serve a mission I mean I had free college and an amazing girlfriend *congregation laughed*. I mean why would I want to leave that all behind? But I saw the experiences my cousins were having on their missions and I prayed a lot about it and got the answer that I didn't necessarily want at the time. I am sure you know what it was because here I am." He then went on to explain that his talk is on examples and he wanted to talk about some of the good examples he has had in his life. The first one was his cousin who was already on his mission. (Elevator boy! :D ) He then says, "The next person is that girl sitting right there *points right at me, the whole congregation turns to look at me*. This girl has been behind me poking me with a stick making sure that I am doing all that I needed to be doing like reading my scriptures with me at night and praying with me. I just wanted to let her know that I appreciate everything that she has done." He almost made me cry when he said that. :) I loved hearing that! He then went on to talk about how Christ is our ultimate example in life. He bore his testimony and let everyone know that he is grateful for the experience he is being allowed to have and is excited for his mission.

I couldn't believe he actually said all that stuff. :) It made me feel so happy inside! None of my other boyfriends have ever done anything like that. He is actually the first guy to ever talk about me to other people, like his friends and family. He makes me feel like he is proud to be with me. :) And that's one feeling that I cannot describe to you after feeling like someone tried to hide being with me and was ashamed of it. Totally different and I love it! :)

"If you love someone let them go, if they come back to you then they were yours all along, if they don't then they weren't yours to begin with." -Not sure who said it first, but they are brilliant! :)

One day closer! :D

Excited!

Although nothing more than the usual happened today, I had a pretty good day. :) My little sister and I were driving in the car to my house and I saw the mail man! I got really really excited and she just thought I was crazy! :) I jumped out of the car and went the the mailbox... nothing... So I told her we had to stay home long enough for the mailman to come to our side of the street. She's just thinking, "You are crazy!" :) But I didn't care. Even though I didn't end up receiving a letter I still was excited! I hope I get one tomorrow! :) He just flew to Georgia on Tuesday and I am nervous and excited for him! I hope he is okay and that everything is going well! I will hear from him on Monday at least! :)


Tonight I also read some posts from a Facebook group page that I am in about waiting for a missionary and her missionary came back today! I am SO excited for her and I just kept thinking I cannot wait for that day! I will cry for sure and just be so happy! :) I don't know what I will do! But that's another 23 months and 6 days ahead of us! :)

So in this car ride with my sister she asked me if Mark and I are really engaged and that reminded me of the night he actually proposed. So I guess that's the story I will tell tonight. :)

Mark and I had been dating for 5 months and hadn't seen each other since that first time we met when I went to Utah. Crazy right! It wasn't too bad considering we weren't used to being around each other and we never really got to hang out a lot either. I just really enjoyed texting and talking to him constantly, but those 5 months without him kinda stunk. So since he was at college he had a break during Christmas, so we arranged for him to stay with my family and I for a week over Christmas break. When he got there it was absolutely amazing! I remember watching him drive up to my house and me just like screaming in my head, "He's here! He's here! :D" I walked up to him and gave him a hug and held his hand a little bit. But that week was really fun! Our first kiss too! That night he got here we went out to his car and I remember him looking at me and then leaning in and I didn't want to just think he wanted to kiss me so I bent my head down a little and he kissed my nose. I felt kind of bad, but it's funny to think of now. :) But later that night I went in and kissed him a few times. :) So he was redeemed! :)

On Christmas eve Mark told me he had a present for me, but that none of my family could see it. So I was a little curious, just wondering what it could be. (He had sent me picture mail messages of rings for my opinion and just said he didn't have enough money to get the one that I liked, but that he liked that one a lot too.) I was kind of thinking that's what his present was, but I wasn't certain. :) When my mom went to the grocery store we went out to his car, it was dark outside. Almost pitch black! We go to the side of his car and he tells me to turn around, so I do. I heard him open the door and then close it and he told me to turn around, he was on one knee and asked, "Jennica will you marry me?" I said yes of course and he slipped the ring on my finger. He got up and I just couldn't stop smiling and laughing. I hugged him and told him, "I love you!" :) He told me he loved me too. :) At that time I was just so blown away that I didn't even look at the ring! When we got inside though I finally looked at it and of course it was gorgeous! It has our names on it along with two hearts with each of our birthstones. One is red and the other blue. Next to those they have five little diamonds and the band splits a little and comes back together. I don't think I did it justice with that description, but it's absolutely beautiful. :)

That was it though. :) Nothing totally special or outrageous! But I definitely remember that night and always will. :) At that time in our relationship though he hadn't planned to go on a mission, which is a different story for another night! But we had talked about getting married and after that night he wanted to get married in August of that year! Crazy how your plans get changed sometimes huh? I think that this time my plans were definitely changed for the better. :) He and I still want to get married though! It has just been put on hold for two years. :)

I keep thinking about the day he will get home and I just cannot wait! I am SO excited! I just hope that these two years will fly by like everyone keeps saying they will! I love him and miss him tremendously! But for right now I am faithfully waiting for his honorable return. :)

Everyday is a day sooner to the day he will be back in my arms!

The Beginning of Eternity

Well this is my first blog ever and I am not sure if anyone will ever actually read this, but I feel like it would be a fun experience; writing my missionary waiting journey. So I guess the first object that I need to discuss is me and my missionary. My missionaries name is Mark; Elder Mark Gardner! He is serving in the Atlanta Georgia North Mission and he left January 11, 2012.

Mark and I met around a year and a half ago... I am not sure exactly what day, but how we met I think is the real kicker! I went on a Back East Trip with my stake to go and visit the church history sites. But for you to fully understand everything, I must go in to detail about what had happened in my life before I went on this trip.

I had a high school boyfriend named Anthony. He was the second boyfriend I had ever had, but my first (I guess you could say) serious boyfriend. I invited him to church and everything just went from there. He took the discussions and after about a month of praying about it and thinking about if he should be baptized, he finally decided that was what he should do. After a year he turned 19 and I wanted him to go on a mission and had him pray about going on one. He finally decided that that was what he should do and started his mission papers. When his family found out (who were first off against him joining the church all together) they were not very happy, at all! He got his call to Denver Colorado South and has been there since May of 2010. This first experience of him going on a mission was one of the hardest most struggling times I had ever been through in my entire life. He and I had broken up before he left; he said that he wanted me to date other people to see what I wanted. He was my best friend along with boyfriend of 2 years and a month and I felt like I had lost him. On top of that his parents absolutely hated me and told his sister to never spend time with me because I was a bad person. So needless to say I was not going through an easy time and was just looking for some relief. Every night I just felt like I was in a dark hole, reaching for someone to help me, but when I grasped for something I would just get empty air. I also remember feeling that half of me was gone and that I could never be whole without him. It was in July after he left that I went on this trip with my stake.

I know you're jealous of my Ninja Turtles. :)

On this trip I shared a room with my best friend forever Nicole (our mom's were friends before we were even born), my sister, and another friend from church. We had so much fun and for me it was just so much fun to get away from my life back home. Such a relief. I didn't have to think about everything for a whole two weeks! At the hotels on this trip we definitely did not care what other people thought. So therefore we had all bought a pair of boxers to wear around. This one specific night we had gotten done swimming and showered and Nicole and I decided to ride the elevator and just talk to everyone who rode it. After a while a boy came in and just looked at us. We just said, "HI! You want to ride with us?!" and surprisingly he said sure and sat down. Through our short conversation with this boy we became friends. The night before our long trip home on the buses my sister, Nicole and I found ourselves hanging out with -- who we will call-- elevator boy and his cousin and we exchanged numbers. For me, it was just a lot of fun to flirt with another guy again. It was definitely just harmless flirting! Friendly! :) But fun.

We look crazy, but we had SO much fun. :)

Elevator boy and I texted every once in a while and one night I got a text from some unknown number. Elevator boy told me he had given my number to a different cousin that I hadn't met. So I was all game you know? I was lonely and thought it would be nice to have another guy to talk to. Plus this guy texted back faster than elevator boy! So i asked him if he had any other name than Elevator boy's cousin and he said it was Mark.

SO there you go! That's how we met. :) Apparently he had just gotten out of a bad relationship too (ironically he and I got broken up with on the same day) and was just looking for an outlet like I was. I don't know why, but I just felt like I could open up to him and he opened up to me too. After a week I think I knew more about this boy then I even knew about my best friend! All I knew was I loved talking to this guy. Absolutely loved it! At that time though he knew I was going through a tough time with having my last boyfriend on a mission and I was not sure what I was going to do. I still was having strong thoughts about waiting for him still. I also thought, "Well Mark would go on his mission before Anthony came back so I could just get him off on his mission and not worry about it." Now don't call me a bad person because this is what I thought. I was friends with Mark and didn't think he would date me. So I figured that he was a harmless guy to talk to and maybe get in a relationship with, not as a rebound but as a fun boyfriend.

My oldest sister had moved to Utah for school and since it was summer time my mom wanted to go visit her. Of course we were all excited to go! She wanted to go the day right after my birthday, which I was okay with. What else would I do for my birthday? Sit and cry wishing Anthony was there? (By this time I was still spontaneously crying every once in a while, but this was better than everyday like it had been!) So guess what! Mark actually lived in Utah! I really wanted to meet this boy! My mom agreed to meet up with him for lunch on the way there and he agreed also, which I was super excited about!

So on the day before my birthday he said he had a surprise for me for my birthday. SO I got really excited! I kept asking him if I could call him and talk to him, but for some reason he wouldn't. The next day I was texting him and he asked if I was ready for my surprise. I said "YES!" and the next thing I knew he was calling me! I was SO excited and ran out to my back porch and answered. He said "Hey! Happy Birthday!" Oh my gosh I was dreaming! I had to be dreaming! His voice was deep, like beautifully deep and I LOVED it. I could literally listen to him talk for hours and never get bored! :) So he and I talked for a while and then Nicole came over for my party. So I let her listen in to our conversation for a while and then we got off the phone. I was excited to meet him the next day! :) SO Excited! That night he and I were texting and we were talking about him getting a girlfriend. I liked him so much that I just wanted to date him. I really did. He was a sweetheart and was So nice to me and understood everything. He was exactly what I needed at that time. He told me, "I want to date someone like you." Of course I was thinking, "Someone LIKE me?! Why not me!" So I asked some question and he said that he didn't want to date long distance, which I understood. So I didn't totally give up the possibility, but I got a little discouraged. Then later that night, we talked until really late or early, and he asked me to be his girlfriend. OH MY I was so excited! But I told him that I didn't want to do anything without meeting him first to see how we act around each other. If it was awkward I didn't want to date. So he understood.

Mark and I at lunch. First picture together! :)

The next day we started on our trip to Utah. I was So excited and nervous. :) I couldn't wait though. When we finally got to the place we had decided to meet up, my stomach was churning! I got a call from him and he said he was there. I told him I was too and we looked around and saw each other. I was walking on a sidewalk next to some parked cars and he was walking toward the sidewalk. For a few seconds I didn't see him, which threw me off (I found out later that he had hid behind a truck for a minute because he thought I was so beautiful and got really nervous. :) ). But then I saw him and just couldn't do anything but smile! :) He was cute and his voice... need I say more? :) While we spent time together I got to ride in his truck with him. I finally decided to grab his hand. I was debating whether to ask him if I could or not, but then I just grabbed it. We held hands whenever we could and I loved it. :) When I had to leave again, though, I walked him to his truck and he took my hands into his and said, "So I have a question for you." I said, "Yes?" He said, "So what is your answer? Will you be my girlfriend?" I just smiled and said yes. :) From then on out my trip to Utah I just was SO happy. I was like floating. I don't know if I ever touched the ground. :)

Now I know what you're thinking, where is Anthony in all this? Did I tell him? What did he think about it? Well I didn't want to tell him just yet. Mark and I were together for about a month and I was nervous to tell him. I still thought about him a lot and cared about him. I still wrote him every week and emailed him. His sister, though, found out I had another boyfriend. She decided to tell him too. I kinda freaked out a little on the inside. I wanted to tell him first, but I was too slow I guess. The next email I got from Anthony was him asking if it was true and that if it was he wouldn't get mad but he just wanted to know. I told him it was true and that I meant to tell him but didn't know how. I told him not to worry about anything because it wasn't serious at all. He and I had a long distance relationship and that he shouldn't even worry about it. The next emails I got changed how I thought about Anthony and my relationship... He answered saying that it was okay and that he understood. After that broke out though, I just felt like he couldn't talk to me or thought he couldn't. I felt bad, but I still wanted that close friendship I had with him, so I flat out asked him about it. He answered and said that he saw what I meant and maybe it seemed like we couldn't talk as much or weren't as close because he wasn't my boyfriend anymore. (I understood that and thought that could possibly be the reason why). He then said, "I don't want to sound mean or anything but I think that it's good that we don't talk everyday. When we were talking everyday it was the same thing we said at the same times and just got boring. Now we actually have stuff to talk about all the time. Sorry I don't mean to sound mean, but yeah." To me that hurt... He and I had talked about getting married! You have to talk/see your spouse everyday! If he couldn't talk to me everyday without getting bored then we were not fit to get married. That email is what made me want to get over Anthony. I didn't want to be with him anymore... what he said hurt and I might have taken it wrong, but to me it was just a finality that he and I were over. It took me a few months, but I finally got over Anthony and I don't want to be with him anymore. To this day I still don't want to be with him. He is a very nice guy, but he will always just be a friend to me.

So that is the in depth version of how Mark and I met. :) All my thoughts and all. Since that time Mark and I have gotten closer and I have fallen in love. :) He has treated me well and I love being around him. Although we haven't been the perfect couple; we have had fights and disagreements about a lot of things, but all in all those imperfections have made us grow closer. Having a long distance relationship for a year and a half has definitely taught me that it will never be easy. People always say that in a marriage you have to sacrifice a lot and I soon figured out that in a long distance relationship you have to sacrifice a lot! Especially time. I wanted to feel close to him and how he showed me he cared was he spent time talking to me. There are so many details and moments of mine and Mark's relationship that I want to share, but I will share at least one memory each day, along with how my wait is going. It has been 22 days since he left! Every day is one day closer!

To all of you who are waiting for a boy, just remember it takes sacrifice to make a relationship. Sacrifice time to write your missionary! I know that showing Mark that I care through writing him a little everyday he sees that I am committed to waiting for him. (You could imagine how he feels considering I didn't wait for the first guy.) But I love him and I am faithfully waiting for him!

The number one thing I keep reminding myself is: Every day is one day closer! :D