To Date or Not To Date, That Is the Question!

Whenever I look at the MG groups on Facebook there is always that ever looming question of whether or not the girlfriend should date while her man is on a mission. SO many girls have opinions of situations and I just want to express what I think with what I have gone through.

As many of you who have read my posts know, I have attempted waiting for a missionary before. Before that missionary left we had broken up because he wanted me to date around and make sure that he was the right one for me to be with. I LOVED him. I honestly did and I just thought nobody would ever compare to him. He was really a good boyfriend. Did all the boyfriend things like listened to me when I cried, talked to me when I needed someone to talk to, came to hang out with me, stuff of that sort. I also didn't have a very big self esteem and I didn't think too much of myself, so therefore I didn't think anyone else would be interested. So I just decided I didn't want to date and that it would be easy to not date because nobody would want to be around me or with me anyway.

Once he left I just felt terrible, not myself. I couldn't do anything but cry. Whenever my mom would leave the room or go shower or anything I'd lay on the couch and cry. I just literally felt like a huge sponge that just cried ALL the time. I'd feel better when I would talk to some guys, but I knew I wasn't ready for a relationship. I didn't want a guy to have to buoy me up and I wanted to get through all this before I got into another relationship. I just knew that what I felt wasn't what I wanted to continue to feel for the next two years.

A month or so later I finally got to where I didn't cry every night. I might cry once a day and eventually got to once a week. I missed him a lot but I wanted to be there for him while he was on his mission.

Then I met Mark and I just LOVED talking to someone. I loved having someone text me back and actively talk to me. I hated talking to some guys who just say "Yeah" or "huh" (one word texts really bug me lol!). Mark wouldn't do that and he acted like he actually wanted to get to know me. So I kept talking to him until he knew my entire life story --this took a week. He literally was the best friend I never thought I would have and on top of that he thought I was beautiful (something I thought would never happen again).

I finally started dating Mark and I was really happy. :) Floating on cloud nine. When my missionary found out I found out SO many things about him and what he really thought that I wouldn't have been told if I didn't start dating. I just remember one particular email from him that tore me apart and from there on I decided I never wanted to be in a relationship with him again. I was done.

It did take me MONTHS to get over him. I still got really upset over what he'd said to me and our past relationship, but the thing about Mark was he never let me down. He was always there to listen to me and there to help me decipher what I was feeling. He helped me see what I wanted in a relationship and I can never repay him for helping me patch up my life. He made me feel like an individual, someone who could be someone, someone who could become something and amount to something.

In the time that Mark and I were dating, it wasn't just a fairytale. He and I definitely put each other through hell and back, but we were stubborn enough to stick through it together. We knew we always had that other person there for us and that kind of comfort you just cannot dismiss.

When Mark and I were together (in person) he was a gentleman. He got into the habit of opening my

Winter Formal 2010

door for me. :) He would run around the entire car and open my door. It kind of became a game for me. I'd think "Dang I'm actually going to get to open my own door today" then he'd unlock the doors and say "WAIT!!!!" *run to my side and open door*. :) That would make me laugh so much. He'd talk about me in public, to his cousins and family. I wasn't a big secret, which is something that made me just in awe of him. :) While he was in college he would show my picture to other girls and talk about how pretty and wonderful I was. I just couldn't believe that he would do all these things about me and for me.

When Mark decided to serve a mission I knew I'd be okay. He wondered whether or not I'd wait for him and I am now proving him wrong. :) Before he left we made arrangements. He knew I'd be going off to college so I told him I wanted to be able to go on group dates, but not single dates. I didn't want to be a hermit and miss out on having fun. We set boundaries for myself that I am actually really okay with and I am satisfied.

Now that I have been waiting for a little over 4 months for him, I am seeing what a good decision I have made. I am moving off to college soon and I am nervous for what people say will be a lot of guys wanting to take me out and junk, but I know I am happy where I am. I am learning about myself and taking time for myself.

I've learned that you can learn and grow without dating. I have been in a relationship since I was young and I just want to take time for myself. Some girls want to test the waters and I've been there. I really have, but this time around I just want to get to know myself. I am becoming self sufficient and self reliant. I don't have people texting me every day, but I am alright by myself. :).

Both situations are different. If a girl decides to date while her missionary is gone I know she has her reasons. I have my reasons why I decided to and I know that's what Heavenly Father wanted me to do. He blessed me with so much personal growth I wouldn't have found without that experience. I now feel like I am a person and I want to make myself better. Grow with my missionary. There are many reasons why I don't want to date others while Mark is gone, but the main feeling is how I feel when I pray about him. If you've ever prayed and just known something or someone is right then you know how I feel about waiting for Mark. I love him and I KNOW that we are doing what we are supposed to.

I just wanted to share my story as someone who has been in both situations. Whatever you do, make sure that you are doing what you think is best for you. Once you make a decision to do one or the other pray about that decision. If Heavenly Father agrees with you, then do it. He will NEVER lead you wrong. :)