Love, True Love

"Wuv, twoo wuv..." is one of my favorite movie quotes! :) This is the most beautiful love story I have ever seen.

Go grab a box of tissues, it's absolutely adorable. :)

http://www.godvine.com/The-Story-of-Ian-and-Larissa-Shows-Unbelievable-True-Love-1518.html

To Date or Not To Date, That Is the Question!

Whenever I look at the MG groups on Facebook there is always that ever looming question of whether or not the girlfriend should date while her man is on a mission. SO many girls have opinions of situations and I just want to express what I think with what I have gone through.

As many of you who have read my posts know, I have attempted waiting for a missionary before. Before that missionary left we had broken up because he wanted me to date around and make sure that he was the right one for me to be with. I LOVED him. I honestly did and I just thought nobody would ever compare to him. He was really a good boyfriend. Did all the boyfriend things like listened to me when I cried, talked to me when I needed someone to talk to, came to hang out with me, stuff of that sort. I also didn't have a very big self esteem and I didn't think too much of myself, so therefore I didn't think anyone else would be interested. So I just decided I didn't want to date and that it would be easy to not date because nobody would want to be around me or with me anyway.

Once he left I just felt terrible, not myself. I couldn't do anything but cry. Whenever my mom would leave the room or go shower or anything I'd lay on the couch and cry. I just literally felt like a huge sponge that just cried ALL the time. I'd feel better when I would talk to some guys, but I knew I wasn't ready for a relationship. I didn't want a guy to have to buoy me up and I wanted to get through all this before I got into another relationship. I just knew that what I felt wasn't what I wanted to continue to feel for the next two years.

A month or so later I finally got to where I didn't cry every night. I might cry once a day and eventually got to once a week. I missed him a lot but I wanted to be there for him while he was on his mission.

Then I met Mark and I just LOVED talking to someone. I loved having someone text me back and actively talk to me. I hated talking to some guys who just say "Yeah" or "huh" (one word texts really bug me lol!). Mark wouldn't do that and he acted like he actually wanted to get to know me. So I kept talking to him until he knew my entire life story --this took a week. He literally was the best friend I never thought I would have and on top of that he thought I was beautiful (something I thought would never happen again).

I finally started dating Mark and I was really happy. :) Floating on cloud nine. When my missionary found out I found out SO many things about him and what he really thought that I wouldn't have been told if I didn't start dating. I just remember one particular email from him that tore me apart and from there on I decided I never wanted to be in a relationship with him again. I was done.

It did take me MONTHS to get over him. I still got really upset over what he'd said to me and our past relationship, but the thing about Mark was he never let me down. He was always there to listen to me and there to help me decipher what I was feeling. He helped me see what I wanted in a relationship and I can never repay him for helping me patch up my life. He made me feel like an individual, someone who could be someone, someone who could become something and amount to something.

In the time that Mark and I were dating, it wasn't just a fairytale. He and I definitely put each other through hell and back, but we were stubborn enough to stick through it together. We knew we always had that other person there for us and that kind of comfort you just cannot dismiss.

When Mark and I were together (in person) he was a gentleman. He got into the habit of opening my

Winter Formal 2010

door for me. :) He would run around the entire car and open my door. It kind of became a game for me. I'd think "Dang I'm actually going to get to open my own door today" then he'd unlock the doors and say "WAIT!!!!" *run to my side and open door*. :) That would make me laugh so much. He'd talk about me in public, to his cousins and family. I wasn't a big secret, which is something that made me just in awe of him. :) While he was in college he would show my picture to other girls and talk about how pretty and wonderful I was. I just couldn't believe that he would do all these things about me and for me.

When Mark decided to serve a mission I knew I'd be okay. He wondered whether or not I'd wait for him and I am now proving him wrong. :) Before he left we made arrangements. He knew I'd be going off to college so I told him I wanted to be able to go on group dates, but not single dates. I didn't want to be a hermit and miss out on having fun. We set boundaries for myself that I am actually really okay with and I am satisfied.

Now that I have been waiting for a little over 4 months for him, I am seeing what a good decision I have made. I am moving off to college soon and I am nervous for what people say will be a lot of guys wanting to take me out and junk, but I know I am happy where I am. I am learning about myself and taking time for myself.

I've learned that you can learn and grow without dating. I have been in a relationship since I was young and I just want to take time for myself. Some girls want to test the waters and I've been there. I really have, but this time around I just want to get to know myself. I am becoming self sufficient and self reliant. I don't have people texting me every day, but I am alright by myself. :).

Both situations are different. If a girl decides to date while her missionary is gone I know she has her reasons. I have my reasons why I decided to and I know that's what Heavenly Father wanted me to do. He blessed me with so much personal growth I wouldn't have found without that experience. I now feel like I am a person and I want to make myself better. Grow with my missionary. There are many reasons why I don't want to date others while Mark is gone, but the main feeling is how I feel when I pray about him. If you've ever prayed and just known something or someone is right then you know how I feel about waiting for Mark. I love him and I KNOW that we are doing what we are supposed to.

I just wanted to share my story as someone who has been in both situations. Whatever you do, make sure that you are doing what you think is best for you. Once you make a decision to do one or the other pray about that decision. If Heavenly Father agrees with you, then do it. He will NEVER lead you wrong. :)

Heart to Heart

My first missionary came home today. Honestly it's kinda weird, but I got to really talk to him. Although it was over the phone, I got to finally get my questions answered. I can't even believe his answers.

I don't want to go into detail, but he is really understanding. I told him the blunt truth about pretty much everything and he took it really well. Although he said he doesn't want to hear anything about mine and Mark's relationship anymore, he knows it exists and knows that Mark and I want to get married. I feel bad that I hurt Anthony, but I guess that's just something we have to accept and move on with. I will always love Anthony as a person, I don't think I could ever not, but I could never be in love with him again nor be in a relationship with him again and he and I have come to that understanding. We can be really honest with each other, but I just hope he tells me how he's feeling and isn't hiding it. I don't want him to hide it because I told him pretty much everything I could think of. I just wanted to lay the cards on the table and say here you go, this is it. I didn't want him to hear anything from anyone else, so I threw it all at him to see where he'd go with it.

As of now he and I can be friends. I don't know how GOOD of friends I want to be. We will be close, but I don't want old feelings coming back, so now I just have to remember to guard myself from that. :)

Other than that, everything went really well. I am really glad that he and I had the talk that we did. Now I feel like I can move further with the things I want to do with my life. I am more excited to move and just move on with everything. :) Thank goodness! I had been wondering what would happen on this day for over 2 years! It's crazy it's finally all over.

I just know that God is real and loves us and has us in his mind. He knows where we are and loves us all. He knows what we need and I see the many blessings he has given me in my life. Though Mark and I aren't the "perfect" couple, we definitely have our problems, we are able to make each other better. I am glad to say that I am a better person then I was 2 years ago. I am glad to be in the relationship I am in with the person I am with. I am happy where I am today and I love the person I am. I wouldn't change it for the world.

So I guess I want to thank my Heavenly Father for the people He had put in my life. They really have molded me into the person I am today. Although life isn't easy, it's totally worth it. :)

Mother's Day Oovoo Call Home 2012

I got to talk to Mark on Oovoo on Mother's Day. His mom was sweet enough to let us talk. :) I was super excited! I love him SO much. :) After this call I was kinda sad, but I emailed Mark about it and he just made me feel so much better! This probably sounds bad or weird but I never knew how much Mark cared for me. I just always KNEW how much I loved him and hoped that he loved me just as much. But after this call and the email after combined I KNOW how much he loves me. :) I can just feel it. It sounds cliche but I love being in love with him. :) I hope that this never ends! I wanna be with him forever and this just helped me realize it all. :)

Four Months- What I Loved the Most

While Mark has been gone I have been trying to do all these things on this month by month list of what to do while your missionary has gone from http://waitingforamissionary.synthasite.com/A_24_Month_To-Do_list.php. I have done pretty well too. :) I think I have been a little late on some of them, but I have succeeded in all of them. :)

So for the 4 month one I kind of changed it because I already have a "Mr. Right" list of everything I want in a man from when I was in Young Women's. So I changed it to what I miss about Mark and what I love about Mark. Here are some of the things I have come up with that I miss. Some of them might sound ridiculous, but it's crazy everything you miss when you haven't been around him for a while. :) I am sorry this is so long! I have shortened it up quite a bit though. :)

5/11/2012

If someone were to ask me what I missed about Mark, I don’t know where I would start. The number one thing I miss is how he made me feel safe. He told me once “Babe I will never let anything bad happen to you” and I knew he was sincere. I just always felt like I had nothing to worry about when I am with him. Even being 4 hours away I felt like if something bad were to happen he’d be there as soon as possible to get me.

I miss how he’d walk up to me with his arms spread out and open and close his hands as he was walking towards me to get a  hug. :)

I miss his hugs.

I miss laying my head on his chest.

I miss cuddling with him.

I miss talking with him on the porch. One of my favorite times ever was just sitting on his front porch looking at the stars and talking about our future. How he could fix up the place or how he wanted a fence so he would feel safer.

I miss riding passenger seat in a car and looking over at him driving. I would love to just look at him because I knew he was next to me. He was right there. Tangible. I could hold his hand.

I miss him being able to calm me down when I start to freak out. Over little things most the time, but I miss being able to call him and just tell him everything. Half the time I doubt he was listening, but it made me feel better.

I miss kissing him.

I miss laying on the couch across from him, holding his hand while we slept. I remember waking up sometimes and we weren’t holding hands. I’d grab his hand and then fall back asleep. I think I remember him kissing my forehead and telling me goodnight.

I miss him tucking me in at night. He would come into the room and tuck me in and give me a goodnight kiss. He would tuck the blanket in under my feet and make sure I had more than one blanket on me. He would layer as many blankets as he could find on me to make sure I didn’t get cold. He ALWAYS would leave and say “Goodnight babe I love you. If you need anything I am just right here in the other room.” His example of something I might need was always a blanket. haha. Sometimes I’d say “BABE You forgot something!” then when he’d come back I’d have my arms stretched out and open and close my hands. I’d give him a hug and kiss. I think once I even went into his room to talk to him for a minute and give him a kiss goodnight.
  

I miss having him there just for support for my fears. I hate being scared. I loved just knowing he was there for me.

I miss cuddling with him and falling asleep. One Sunday we had taken a nap and I loved waking up next to him. Although we weren’t cuddling when I woke up, I still loved just him being there.

I love how he was so comfortable around me. We could have normal bodily functions and it wasn’t awkward or just weird. It was NORMAL.

I miss all the funny pictures he'd send me that made my day. :) Just him being himself and I loved it!

I love how he’d talk about me. I wasn’t just his girlfriend, but he’d actually talk to people about me. He wasn’t ashamed to be dating me, he actually was proud to be with me. When someone wants to be with you and talks to others about it, that shows you something.

I miss how he’d tell me I’m beautiful. I think that’s one reason why I loved sending him pictures. I’d get a compliment about something. :) I loved when he’d say “baby you’re beautiful” though. :) That was my favorite compliment. :)

I love that we’d read scriptures and pray together. Even though I’d say the prayer a lot I like how he’d get on his knees with me to pray. We supported each other in the church. We both KNOW this church is true.

Even though he is on his mission, he isn’t gone. He isn’t not there anymore. He’s just as real as he was 4 months ago before he left. He’s still my Mark, just being improved. :) He’s grown so much. He’s gaining his own testimony. He’s learning to rely on the Lord, and that’s what is most important.

I know I am going to marry him. I just feel it. And I cry thinking about it, but I know I want to be with him the rest of my life. When I think about kneeling across the altar from him in the temple I start crying again lol. Who wouldn’t want to be with someone for forever who makes them happy? He literally feels like the other half of me.

What’s different about this love then the love I’ve felt before is I felt like they were my other half but this time I don’t feel broken. I don’t feel useless. I feel fine. I am Jennica. Wholly. I just don’t have my best friend at the moment. He’s getting polished and will be back shortly. I don’t feel like I can’t do anything without Mark. I’d love for him to be apart of my life now and I wish he was, but I can still have fun. I can go out and see people, do activities and be aware of who I am. Mark is just a part of my life in a different way now. Although he isn’t HERE to experience it, he is still in my life. He is still very much a reason why I keep going everyday. Without his support and his “just do the best you cans” or “It’s okay I still love you”s, I don’t think I could go throughout the days I go through. I am succeeding with my goals but with his support. I love that. :)

Mark is gone for a short time, only 20 more months. :) Wow. It seems so short! Probably because it really is. Two years is but a blink of an eye in the eternal scheme of things.

I am excited for the day that Mark and I get married and are in an eternal partnership with our Heavenly Father. I love my Heavenly Father and thank him for the blessings he has given me in my life. He has really directed my life in a way to that which would lead me to Mark. I can’t even imagine what I would be doing now if I didn’t have Mark in my life. It really shows you that He really is watching and is paying attention. Right in my and Mark’s vulnerable moments He shows us He loves us. He led us to each other, and that’s the best blessing I can think of. :)

I love Mark and my Heavenly Father. They will both be a very large part of my future, that I am anxiously awaiting. But as for right now, I just need to remember that Mark loves me and Heavenly Father loves me. I need to achieve the goals I have set for myself and do the best that I can to make myself happy. Soon enough Mark will be home and I will be wondering where the time went. But as for now, here’s to 20 more months! :)

FINAL Diaries of Missionary Girlfriends Slide Show

I had noticed I had accidentally forgotten to put some pictures in from other girls and I DID NOT want them to feel left out, so therefore here is the FINAL FINAL video. :) I hope it's all correct and that everyone who sent me their pictures are here. I love you girls and I hope that we all have a wonderful journey. Whether we are meant to wait or not, I hope that we all gain whatever we are supposed to from our experiences. Good luck with everything! Let's continue to support each other! That's what is most important. :) But make sure to have fun! Enjoy! :D

Diaries of Missionary Girlfriends Slide Show

This is the slideshow video I made for the girls on my Facebook page. I hope you all like it! :)

Testimony

I absolutely loved fast and testimony meeting today! I am SO glad I went and honestly paid attention. I must admit during these Sunday's I kind of tuned out, but I have made a promise to myself to really pay attention and I am so glad I did.

This week one of the missionaries serving in my ward got up and bore his testimony and I could hear Mark's words come through his. I started crying... almost bawling.

This is where my "You know your an MG if..." moment comes in. :)

This experience helped me realize the amazing work Mark is doing. The missionary said "I have a testimony of this church and that it is the only true church." Mark had told me that not too long ago. After hearing it so much, I think it kind of loses effect on you but today it definitely hit me and I loved it. It just reaffirmed everything that I believe and helped me realize everything that I am striving to become.

I love Mark and I can see myself being married to him for eternity. I cannot wait to be sealed to him in the temple. Whenever I think of this I get all teary eyed. :) It's very personal for me and I am excited for that day. :)

I just know this gospel is the true gospel. I have a testimony of this church and I KNOW Mark going on his mission was the best decision for him at this time. "Missionary- someone who leaves their family for 2 years so others can be with theirs for forever". How true this is. I love this church! I love it with all my heart. I know Heavenly Father is with me all the time and I know of the atonement and that it is real. I know we can put it to work in our lives and we can be forgiven of all our sins. How wonderful is that? To be wiped clean and be pure again. I love this. I know that families can be together forever and I am excited to start my own family when the time comes. I know these things to be true and I say this in the name of OUR Savior Jesus Christ, Amen.

Jaws......

At one of my jobs, I am a chiropractic assistant where I work for a family owned business. The owners are members and are actually even in my ward. I get along really well with everyone in the office and I quite enjoy my job. :) BUT My boss is definitely a waiter hater...

For those of you who haven't come across a boss as a waiter hater before I will briefly explain what it is like.

It's like when you are little and you go to Sea World or somewhere where you see a big shark and go WOW because it is so amazing, but you know it can't get you because there's a thick thing of glass or a large distance between you and the shark (I have never been to Sea World, but this is how I imagine it. :) ). THEN when you start waiting for a missionary you somehow get stranded in the middle of an ocean where you are at the mercy of the shark. Some days he will be nice to you, another day he might knock your little sailboat around to rattle you up, then other days he takes a great big chunk out of your boat. Kinda like that. :)

ALRIGHT not really. :) My boss doesn't want to consume me alive, but he makes snide comments about me waiting. Since I am moving to college soon he goes, "You're going to get married in 12 months." yadda yadda yadda. THEN he had the nerve to tell me that "He is a loser. He isn't good enough for you." WHAT!

HOLD UP!

DID YOU JUST SAY WHAT I THINK YOU SAID???

Me: "Well you don't know him at all so you really can't say that."

Seriously, the nerve of some people... I must tell you he is a big waiter hater because his own girlfriend got engaged like a month or so after he left on his mission.

But what is really ironic about this is that every time he nit picks me about it, it gives me even MORE of an incentive to wait for Mark. I will LAUGH out LOUD when I send him Mark and my wedding announcement. :) I am just waiting for that day! :) It will be niceeeeeeee. :)

But any of you reading this who have encountered these terrible sharks, just make them into a positive thing. Opposition makes you stronger. Maybe just smile and say "Well quality versus convenience is worth waiting for, don't you think." :)  BUT even if you don't say anything, don't let them get you down. They have their opinions for a reason, probably from either personal experiences, family experiences, or just lack of knowledge. Whatever their ignorance just smile and give them the benefit of the doubt and if they offend you let them know politely. :) Some people just really don't understand the power of love or that sometimes waiting is the BEST thing to do. :)

Stay strong! Because every day is one day closer! :)