I wanted to address something that I feel is super important, especially for you who are still waiting for your men to come home. :)
IT'S OKAY TO TALK TO, GET TO KNOW, OR EVEN GO ON A DATE WITH ANOTHER GUY!
I don't mean to bash on any girls who have decided to not date and wait heck I had also decided that. What I want to do is let you all know why it's not a terrible idea and if you want to do that then it's okay!
We all, especially those of us who are very active on the waiting groups, feel this sense of dedication to our missionaries. Not only that, I also felt that I needed to prove the world wrong. I have to prove that at 17, I know what I want and who I want to marry for time and all eternity. I HAVE TO PROVE EVERYONE WRONG!
I want to tell a little story of why I feel this way about my experience waiting for missionaries. If you've read my posts you already know this, but bear with me as I explain why I say what I am saying.
The first guy I sent out on a mission I dated for 2 years and a month. In a time in high school where dating someone for three months is an eternity I felt like I was pretty much married to the guy. We celebrated monthiversaries together. He'd surprise me with Skittles and stuffed animals. I brought him into the church. We went to school dances together. We would prank each other. He was the first guy I kissed, first guy I fell in love with. We would drive in the middle of nowhere with a blanket and lay in the back of his truck to look at stars. My best friend was also one of his friends. I thought I'd always love him, our love was indestructible and for forever.
Before he left on his mission I told him "I think I'll wait for you". He appreciated that, but told me he wanted me to date other people. We agreed that the day he went into the MTC was the day we were officially broken up. That day was so rough, one of the hardest of my life. While he was gone I would cry daily and nightly. I couldn't believe he was gone. The guy who was my best friend wasn't there to talk to every second of the day and I couldn't handle it. It was the worst time I've ever been through.
A couple months after he was gone I went on a trip back east with my stake to see church history sites. I met a few more people from my stake and I actually met a couple guys from a different stake. When I came home I kept talking to these guys and next thing I know their cousin started texting me. I kept talking to him because he actually talked back to me haha. It was fun to get to talk to people again and just get to know them.
Shortly after the cousin and I began dating. We met each other in person and decided we wanted to exclusively be in a relationship. I didn't know how to tell my missionary about all of this so I waited a few weeks and kind of hinted at it in a letter. Next thing I know he's telling me in his email that his sister said I have a new boyfriend. After the next email I sent him confirming it he acted as if he could care less about it. I understood that he was probably just brushing it off and not letting it bother him because let's be honest it was probably the least of his worries at the time. A while later I just had to ask him about it all. He let me know that he thought our relationship was "the same everyday". It was almost like he didn't care and thought I was boring... I spent 2 years on this guy! And he thinks I'm boring? What was I doing in a relationship with someone and guarding my heart from other people for someone who thought our relationship was boring.
After that time I decided I needed to really move on. I finally started to give up on that idea that my missionary and I would get back together and come to terms with that break up. Of course my new boyfriend helped me get through this process so much. I was totally open with him about the whole thing and he was completely supportive. This showed me how amazing a guy he was. How special he really was. This new guy ended up going on a mission and I waited for him. We are now sealed in the temple for time and all eternity! YUP! That guy that I met when I thought I was going to marry a different missionary was my Mark.
While Mark was on his mission though, I didn't stay a recluse. I realized I still had A LOT of growing up to do. I needed to socialize and I did hang out with a bunch of guys. I realized you can get to know them WITHOUT dating them. They all knew my situation and all respected that. I met some of my best friends during these years, many who are GUYS! Gasp. I didn't want to miss out in anything and those years are some of the favorite of my life. :)
I feel many of us who wait for our missionaries lose sight of WHY we are waiting. We aren't waiting to prove anyone wrong. We aren't waiting because we have to. We are waiting because we WANT to. Because you feel that man is special enough to wait for. Because you feel you could marry that guy. Because for YOU, HE is the best decision for you.
Remember you don't have to marry the guy you are waiting for. I know many girls whose guy comes home and it just simply doesn't work out. That's okay! As long as you're doing things to continue on in your progress while he is gone it's okay that you don't end up marrying him. It's okay if you date someone else and you don't end up waiting for this guy the whole time. I also know many girls who while they were waiting found another guy who was better for her than the guy she was waiting for. He wasn't a bad guy, he just wasn't for her. I'm not saying string someone along. I'm not saying go out and date every guy in the ward. What I'm saying is follow your promptings, it might just be the Holy Ghost telling you to do something. After being married myself I am so glad I followed the prompting and answers I got. My past failed relationships don't matter anymore. They are experiences I had and I am glad that I didn't let those get me down in finding someone who really wanted an eternal relationship.
What I honestly want you guys to know is marry someone you love. Someone you will never give up on and who will NEVER give up on you. Marry someone who makes you happy. If you think you don't need to date while he's gone then don't! If you think you should talk to some guys and get to know them then do! If you think you should date someone else then do it! If your missionary doesn't end up marrying you because you dated other people or for any other reason then that's okay, your husband will! :)
